Schools & Things

Picking the granddaughter up from school today I was presented with an A4 sized sheet of paper entitled School Newsletter. ( They've only been back two weeks for heavens sake) As said GD was busy chatting to her school friends as we strolled in the direction of the old abode I decided to cast my eye over the doubtless silly but engaging stories in such a newsletter. Newsletter my arse it was a complete bollocking for any parent or guardian who was unwise enough to let their child attend that school.
Page one ( the front sheet) started with a health enforcement article reminding parents that lunch boxes must not contain sweets, bars of chocolate or fizzy drinks as the school is involved in a 'healthy eating programme' . Now the healthy eating is undoubtedly inspired by that sad, lank haired twat Jamie Oliver but surely as the parents choose to give their offspring the sort of food that children like it's surely no business of the surly, black clad Medusa in the headteachers office what choices they offer to their children.
This is swiftly followed by a barely veiled threats about ENSURING that dinner money IS PLACED in an envelope with the child's name and class on and furthermore HANDED to the pupils class teacher in ADVANCE on a Monday morning. Next is a bit of light relief with a REMINDER that KS1 milk money is due again in September. ( It's only January for fks sake)
The sheet is finished with a list of events and an admonition that THESE are Important  dates for your diary so enter them as soon as you get home, you imbecilic parent, you. The reverse side contains dates when the school is closed which through some optical illusion appear to be more frequent than the days when it is open.
I should mention that the newsletter is sub headed Summer Term 2011 although the dates given refer to 2012. Perhaps the LEA is so committed to its belief in Climate Change that all terms are now designated as Summer. Perhaps in a few years they will be called Hot, Hotter, Arid and The End of Life.