Uncle Ranter's Cosy Thoughts

A couple of  things  before writing of events on the school walk;

Front page headline in The Sun yesterday;

MUAMBA SPEAKS

What's next?

SPHINX FARTS !

It's like a line from a 1950s biblical epic.

Much as sympathise and wish the lad well I shudder at the mindset of the twat arsed journalist who came up with that headline. The MSM stinks.

The weather has been very mild and the resultant shedding of outer clothing by the mothers and grandmothers ( remember that in this village it's normal to be a grandmother at 30 ) has led to some interesting and even horrific sights in the school playground.
The first one that almost literally hit me in the eye was of a twenty something mother whose partly cardigan covered left tit had appeared to have the word' ham' tattooed  on it in a vaguely vertical design that meandered slowly down in the direction of her naval. Not so. The bloody word, revealed in it's cardiganless glory, was Northampton, with the final N verging on a confluence with the nipple that was barely restrained by the purple, scallop edged bra that proudly peeked above the line of her extremely cropped top.
Barely thirty seconds later the benighted women's brat fell down whilst playing at the other end of the playground and she set off at a trot to the screaming child's rescue. I swear that she almost went asymmetric as both breasts began an uncontrolled pitching that destroyed her ability to pursue a straight line to her objective. The zig zag pattern that emerged would have done a Second World War Atlantic convoy proud but also had the fortunate effect of causing a last zig to veer her around the weeping brat otherwise the ensuing damage may have required a fleet of ambulances and the entire budget of the local NHS to remedy.
Enough for now, I still feel dizzy even thinking about the scene.