Well there was nothing unusual on the school excursion today apart from the grand daughter being whisked off on a trip to a local garden centre. I don't know what a bunch of four year olds get out of that unless it's part of a cunning plan to turn them all into green activists in years to come. They're wasting their time with mine whose greatest pleasure in the recent spell of fine weather has been to scour the garden for 'pretty ladybirds' as she puts it and, having found such creatures, crushing them under her dainty little boots.
The Friday morning shop was an extremely light one in the nearest Tesco, a store not usually favoured with our custom as we consider them to be a two faced, lying, back stabbing organisation who are ever nuzzling too close to whatever set of morons currently hold the reins in Westminster. The car needed its weekly influx of petrol so I enjoyed twenty minutes of observing pump rage amongst the panic buying middle classes of the surrounding areas. I just put my usual twenty five quids worth and had fun in berating the acne riddled Tesco car fuelling assistant about his company profiteering by putting the price up by three pence a litre. In retrospect this was very wrong of me as I don't think he knew what profiteering meant.
The cheap offer Boddington's loaded into the car along with a loaf and milk I couldn't help remarking how empty the store was. Serves the bastards right for screening off the cigarette and tobacco display counter. I don't smoke now but I might have some fun soon by asking them to check if they stock different brands of ciggies and pipe tobacco. Should keep the assistant busy opening and closing the shutters and I could then complain to the management that I caught a glimpse of named tobacco product!
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Friday, 30 March 2012
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Nearly the school holidays so the blogging vein will have to change over the next week or so but, before I continue to this weeks view of the school run , a word about our dear leader David Camermong.
A man who pisses off smokers, drinkers, calorie lovers, Gregg's Bakery and fat cat potential donors to the cause in less than a week must be THE BIGGEST POLITICAL CUNT THAT EVER EXISTED. Following on from Blair and Brown that is one MASSIVE achievement that can only have happened because the man is a total and utter penis polisher with no understanding of morality or reason. Still the thousands of mentally challenged voters whom he managed to scare into bumping up his VAT income on petrol will undoubtedly vote either him or the creep Millipond into power at the next election.
The continuing fine weather has seen more shedding of apparel by the mixed community that head in the direction of the school each morning. I followed one pushing a pram that had the briefest pair of cut-off denim jeans I have ever seen. ( Believe me I do keep an eye out for these things) To say that the cheeks of her arse were virtually on full display would be a conservative description and the only thing missing was a little sign saying 'knock twice and enter if I'm using my mobile.' The accompanying walking brat wasn't exactly intelligent as it walked in front of the pram causing the mother's head to tip forward and the arse point towards a nearby chimney top. I did notice that the vision presented caused three crows to vomit in the house guttering and a black Labrador to run howling up the street with it's owner being dragged along behind. There are some mornings I'd rather be admiring the views in Afghanistan.
A man who pisses off smokers, drinkers, calorie lovers, Gregg's Bakery and fat cat potential donors to the cause in less than a week must be THE BIGGEST POLITICAL CUNT THAT EVER EXISTED. Following on from Blair and Brown that is one MASSIVE achievement that can only have happened because the man is a total and utter penis polisher with no understanding of morality or reason. Still the thousands of mentally challenged voters whom he managed to scare into bumping up his VAT income on petrol will undoubtedly vote either him or the creep Millipond into power at the next election.
The continuing fine weather has seen more shedding of apparel by the mixed community that head in the direction of the school each morning. I followed one pushing a pram that had the briefest pair of cut-off denim jeans I have ever seen. ( Believe me I do keep an eye out for these things) To say that the cheeks of her arse were virtually on full display would be a conservative description and the only thing missing was a little sign saying 'knock twice and enter if I'm using my mobile.' The accompanying walking brat wasn't exactly intelligent as it walked in front of the pram causing the mother's head to tip forward and the arse point towards a nearby chimney top. I did notice that the vision presented caused three crows to vomit in the house guttering and a black Labrador to run howling up the street with it's owner being dragged along behind. There are some mornings I'd rather be admiring the views in Afghanistan.
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
A couple of things before writing of events on the school walk;
Front page headline in The Sun yesterday;
MUAMBA SPEAKS
What's next?
SPHINX FARTS !
It's like a line from a 1950s biblical epic.
Much as sympathise and wish the lad well I shudder at the mindset of the twat arsed journalist who came up with that headline. The MSM stinks.
The weather has been very mild and the resultant shedding of outer clothing by the mothers and grandmothers ( remember that in this village it's normal to be a grandmother at 30 ) has led to some interesting and even horrific sights in the school playground.
The first one that almost literally hit me in the eye was of a twenty something mother whose partly cardigan covered left tit had appeared to have the word' ham' tattooed on it in a vaguely vertical design that meandered slowly down in the direction of her naval. Not so. The bloody word, revealed in it's cardiganless glory, was Northampton, with the final N verging on a confluence with the nipple that was barely restrained by the purple, scallop edged bra that proudly peeked above the line of her extremely cropped top.
Barely thirty seconds later the benighted women's brat fell down whilst playing at the other end of the playground and she set off at a trot to the screaming child's rescue. I swear that she almost went asymmetric as both breasts began an uncontrolled pitching that destroyed her ability to pursue a straight line to her objective. The zig zag pattern that emerged would have done a Second World War Atlantic convoy proud but also had the fortunate effect of causing a last zig to veer her around the weeping brat otherwise the ensuing damage may have required a fleet of ambulances and the entire budget of the local NHS to remedy.
Enough for now, I still feel dizzy even thinking about the scene.
Front page headline in The Sun yesterday;
MUAMBA SPEAKS
What's next?
SPHINX FARTS !
It's like a line from a 1950s biblical epic.
Much as sympathise and wish the lad well I shudder at the mindset of the twat arsed journalist who came up with that headline. The MSM stinks.
The weather has been very mild and the resultant shedding of outer clothing by the mothers and grandmothers ( remember that in this village it's normal to be a grandmother at 30 ) has led to some interesting and even horrific sights in the school playground.
The first one that almost literally hit me in the eye was of a twenty something mother whose partly cardigan covered left tit had appeared to have the word' ham' tattooed on it in a vaguely vertical design that meandered slowly down in the direction of her naval. Not so. The bloody word, revealed in it's cardiganless glory, was Northampton, with the final N verging on a confluence with the nipple that was barely restrained by the purple, scallop edged bra that proudly peeked above the line of her extremely cropped top.
Barely thirty seconds later the benighted women's brat fell down whilst playing at the other end of the playground and she set off at a trot to the screaming child's rescue. I swear that she almost went asymmetric as both breasts began an uncontrolled pitching that destroyed her ability to pursue a straight line to her objective. The zig zag pattern that emerged would have done a Second World War Atlantic convoy proud but also had the fortunate effect of causing a last zig to veer her around the weeping brat otherwise the ensuing damage may have required a fleet of ambulances and the entire budget of the local NHS to remedy.
Enough for now, I still feel dizzy even thinking about the scene.
Friday, 9 March 2012
School Playground
Been a little busy this week as it was time for my monthly pub crawl with an old friend, so the blogging had to take second place to the pleasures of alcohol and fine conversation. Still, the hangover seems to have cleared a little so I can share my thoughts on the strange scenes from the school playground.
Regular readers of this blog will be aware that, for my sins, I have the duty of convoying two of the grand children on their daily visit to that state institution known as school. As their are several schools in the complex, nursery,infant and junior, it makes for an interesting collection of adult accompaniers milling around in the school playgrounds and each adult has its own particular characteristic.
As the weather has been reasonable this last day or two the young mothers have skipped from winter to full summer clothing with,in many cases, a very interesting display of tattooed flesh. Now a decent tattoo is best displayed on an ample area of flesh and the young women of this village have attacked the body increasing capabilities of lager and kebabs with a fervour that should make each one eligible for a medal for increasing the profits of British Takeaways and cheap lager breweries. As you know dear readers the increase of flesh tends be in the areas the medical profession refer to as the three Ts. Tummy, Thighs,and Tits.
This morning, the weather being fine, I decided to do a quick count of the various types and numbers of thetittoos tattoos on display and the sum was very interesting. I counted four displayed on right tits and five on the left hand mammary. All the tattoos were of different designs with the most prevalent being variations on a butterfly theme, although there was one that to my untutored eye resembled a vagina shaped poltergeist escaping in flames from a flatulent cows arse. It must be said that the displayed body disfigurements didn't simply rest upon the upper curve but continued downwards to the area where the nipple snugly resides inside the wearers bra.
I can only conclude that the tattoo 'artist' must on many occasions be privy to sights that only 'partners' and the Saturday night customers of the local pit club have viewed in their entirety. I sincerely take my hat off to their bravery and dedication. ( tattooists not tits)
Regular readers of this blog will be aware that, for my sins, I have the duty of convoying two of the grand children on their daily visit to that state institution known as school. As their are several schools in the complex, nursery,infant and junior, it makes for an interesting collection of adult accompaniers milling around in the school playgrounds and each adult has its own particular characteristic.
As the weather has been reasonable this last day or two the young mothers have skipped from winter to full summer clothing with,in many cases, a very interesting display of tattooed flesh. Now a decent tattoo is best displayed on an ample area of flesh and the young women of this village have attacked the body increasing capabilities of lager and kebabs with a fervour that should make each one eligible for a medal for increasing the profits of British Takeaways and cheap lager breweries. As you know dear readers the increase of flesh tends be in the areas the medical profession refer to as the three Ts. Tummy, Thighs,and Tits.
This morning, the weather being fine, I decided to do a quick count of the various types and numbers of the
I can only conclude that the tattoo 'artist' must on many occasions be privy to sights that only 'partners' and the Saturday night customers of the local pit club have viewed in their entirety. I sincerely take my hat off to their bravery and dedication. ( tattooists not tits)
Friday, 2 March 2012
School Convoy Pt. 2
A little further down the road from Krypton's encounter with the dog shit stands the very pleasant lady with the school crossing lollipop. Always greeting each child by name with a cheerful quip to the escorts about the weather etc. she is relic of the happier days when this country was still fairly civilised and stands apart from other high viz users as a wanted and useful member of society.
Unfortunately after leaving her presence the next two hundred yards lead through the pedestrianised area of the dreaded *** **** estate whose 1930s designed layout was stolen from Moscow by a British secret agent in the expectation of showing a cheap way to build houses in the economic climate of post war Britain. As the estate is mainly pedestrian it enables the plod to zoom past in their taxpayer funded mobile offices without bothering to investigate what happens on the streets, and the result of their indifference is laid out for all to see,
It's two hundred bloody yards of avoiding discarded needles, ( few) empty lager cans, ( many) used condoms (ribbed) and various items of female lingerie which would be fatal to sniff. Luckily an increase in walking pace soon gets us through and, like a sunbeam piercing a malodorous cloud, we cross another road and come upon the school, with all it's attendant humanity thronging the playgrounds in eager anticipation of the day ahead.
To be continued.
Unfortunately after leaving her presence the next two hundred yards lead through the pedestrianised area of the dreaded *** **** estate whose 1930s designed layout was stolen from Moscow by a British secret agent in the expectation of showing a cheap way to build houses in the economic climate of post war Britain. As the estate is mainly pedestrian it enables the plod to zoom past in their taxpayer funded mobile offices without bothering to investigate what happens on the streets, and the result of their indifference is laid out for all to see,
It's two hundred bloody yards of avoiding discarded needles, ( few) empty lager cans, ( many) used condoms (ribbed) and various items of female lingerie which would be fatal to sniff. Luckily an increase in walking pace soon gets us through and, like a sunbeam piercing a malodorous cloud, we cross another road and come upon the school, with all it's attendant humanity thronging the playgrounds in eager anticipation of the day ahead.
To be continued.
Thursday, 1 March 2012
School Run
Wasn't sure what to pass comment on today as plods, politicians, the F.A. and Christianity are all vieing for headlines at the moment and are, from a bookies point of view, running neck and neck. I know that I've said some unkind things about the police in the past and I'm sure that the black clad, shaven headed thugs will provide plenty of more reasons for comment on their misbehaviour so I'll just concentrate on what has become my daily job. The School Run.
It must be understood that by 'the school run' I am simply referring to convoy escort to a couple of my locally residing grandchildren and the method of said conveyance is on the hoof. The village is a desperately poor area both economically and mentally so the only motor vehicles delivering to the school are, unlike the middle classes of the leafy South East, comprised of the BMWs, Mercedes, Chelsea Tractors, and Transits from the local Pikey enclave a couple of miles down the road. To be fair they're mainly Papists and only park near our school as the Catholic prison up the road has more parking restrictions than ground zero in New York. I may as well admit that some of the parents who live just over 400 yards from the school also use vehicles, mainly fourth hand Fords, to enable them to sit more comfortably whilst watching their uncontrolled foul offspring creating mayhem in the school yard before incarceration time.
Right! back to the escort duties. As it's about a half mile walk I usually muster the GCs about twenty minutes before the school kick off time of about 0845. I say about because the school clock hasn't worked properly since six thugs on detachment from The Met mistook it's flat ticking sound for a Yorkshire accent and gave it a good kicking back in 84. Also modern teachers being both illiterate and innumerate have trouble figuring out what the big and little hands on the clock are actually pointing to and have to have a meeting before ringing the bell.
Walking having commenced I usually take up a shepherding position slightly behind my charges which enables me spot any casually discarded dog turds in good time to order an avoiding change of course. This can be a problem with thelegions of Mongol cavalry numerous children who,following government keep fit guidelines, use the pavements as a risk free racetrack for their varied high speed scooters and bicycles. This morning I was pleased to see one of these machines, piloted by a young moron named Krypton!!! plough its front wheel into an epically proportion pile of shit that stood about eight inches tall. The resultant skid saw the off balance Krypton drag his left leg through the turd from his knee to ankle. I confess that I took great pleasure in hearing his foul mouthed mother castigate him in language that would have made a naval Petty Officer blush. I was going to suggest she re-named him Crapton but thought, in the circumstances, I'd better remain silent.
Tomorrow we continue the trek as far as the School Crossing lady.
It must be understood that by 'the school run' I am simply referring to convoy escort to a couple of my locally residing grandchildren and the method of said conveyance is on the hoof. The village is a desperately poor area both economically and mentally so the only motor vehicles delivering to the school are, unlike the middle classes of the leafy South East, comprised of the BMWs, Mercedes, Chelsea Tractors, and Transits from the local Pikey enclave a couple of miles down the road. To be fair they're mainly Papists and only park near our school as the Catholic prison up the road has more parking restrictions than ground zero in New York. I may as well admit that some of the parents who live just over 400 yards from the school also use vehicles, mainly fourth hand Fords, to enable them to sit more comfortably whilst watching their uncontrolled foul offspring creating mayhem in the school yard before incarceration time.
Right! back to the escort duties. As it's about a half mile walk I usually muster the GCs about twenty minutes before the school kick off time of about 0845. I say about because the school clock hasn't worked properly since six thugs on detachment from The Met mistook it's flat ticking sound for a Yorkshire accent and gave it a good kicking back in 84. Also modern teachers being both illiterate and innumerate have trouble figuring out what the big and little hands on the clock are actually pointing to and have to have a meeting before ringing the bell.
Walking having commenced I usually take up a shepherding position slightly behind my charges which enables me spot any casually discarded dog turds in good time to order an avoiding change of course. This can be a problem with the
Tomorrow we continue the trek as far as the School Crossing lady.
Friday, 24 February 2012
Yet Another Letter
More letters
The Reverend H Hareshol
St. Johns Church
c/o The Team Vicars
Peace Avenue
FG6 3GN
Dear Vicar,
After the recent meeting of the Parochial Church Council I feel that you may have misconstrued some of the issues raised and hope that this letter may help you to resolve the situation.
Although Ms. Brotherton is undoubtedly a highly qualified social worker I find that her counselling of the congregation after every mention of Satan makes the service overly long. Perhaps she could use the tambourine practice room for this purpose, after you have given your final blessing.
Whilst on the subject I wonder if it would be possible to avoid mentioning the name of Jesus during The Eucharist. Although no one has greater admiration than I for the fervour of the 'born again' members of the congregation I do think that the composer Handel has already written the definitive version of The Hallelujah Chorus and the copyright should remain with his heirs and successors.
With regard to my comments about your rallying call of 'The Church For The New Millenium' I meant only to say that your crusade for 'bums on seats', although in the true Christian tradition, could be misinterpreted in these days of popular access to American television programmes.
On the question of the space available in the aisles it would be helpful if your young lady curate and her assistants were more aware of some of the church customs. Several worshippers have mentioned that the bringing in of sheaves is normally confined to the The Harvest Festival and should not be used as a weekly accompaniment to the tambourine and guitar ensemble. I hasten to add that they do not wish to cause trouble and have no desire to be summoned to the Monday evening 'bible awareness' classes conducted in secrecy by that earnest young man from the university
I wonder if you could see your way to having the talking in tongues session separate to the communion service. Apart from making progress difficult for the servers the number of people writhing in the aisles during the collection has led to a sharp drop in the Font Renewal fund and will, I believe, delay your plans to divert the river into the church for the proposed mass baptism services.
Finally I must mention the giving of ' The Peace.' Although I agree that in this day and age a mere handshake is not enough, the partial disrobing and exchange of body fluids practised by the more charismatic worshippers may possibly be misunderstood by members of the older generation. It was possibly because of this that the bishop on his last visit felt compelled to embrace only male members of the congregation.
Yours in fellowship,
The Reverend H Hareshol
St. Johns Church
c/o The Team Vicars
Peace Avenue
FG6 3GN
Dear Vicar,
After the recent meeting of the Parochial Church Council I feel that you may have misconstrued some of the issues raised and hope that this letter may help you to resolve the situation.
Although Ms. Brotherton is undoubtedly a highly qualified social worker I find that her counselling of the congregation after every mention of Satan makes the service overly long. Perhaps she could use the tambourine practice room for this purpose, after you have given your final blessing.
Whilst on the subject I wonder if it would be possible to avoid mentioning the name of Jesus during The Eucharist. Although no one has greater admiration than I for the fervour of the 'born again' members of the congregation I do think that the composer Handel has already written the definitive version of The Hallelujah Chorus and the copyright should remain with his heirs and successors.
With regard to my comments about your rallying call of 'The Church For The New Millenium' I meant only to say that your crusade for 'bums on seats', although in the true Christian tradition, could be misinterpreted in these days of popular access to American television programmes.
On the question of the space available in the aisles it would be helpful if your young lady curate and her assistants were more aware of some of the church customs. Several worshippers have mentioned that the bringing in of sheaves is normally confined to the The Harvest Festival and should not be used as a weekly accompaniment to the tambourine and guitar ensemble. I hasten to add that they do not wish to cause trouble and have no desire to be summoned to the Monday evening 'bible awareness' classes conducted in secrecy by that earnest young man from the university
I wonder if you could see your way to having the talking in tongues session separate to the communion service. Apart from making progress difficult for the servers the number of people writhing in the aisles during the collection has led to a sharp drop in the Font Renewal fund and will, I believe, delay your plans to divert the river into the church for the proposed mass baptism services.
Finally I must mention the giving of ' The Peace.' Although I agree that in this day and age a mere handshake is not enough, the partial disrobing and exchange of body fluids practised by the more charismatic worshippers may possibly be misunderstood by members of the older generation. It was possibly because of this that the bishop on his last visit felt compelled to embrace only male members of the congregation.
Yours in fellowship,
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Letter To The Hyper-Market
The General Manager
Modified Foodmarkets plc.
Genetics Square
The Forward For Science Industrial Park
Euro Area South West 21.
Dear General Manager,
After a recent visit to your company's new globerama market in Yorkshire I feel compelled to note one or two points that may be of interest to yourself.
I must congratulate you on your policy of solely employing young people who appear to suffer from the unfortunate syndrome known as 'learning difficulties.' As you now operate in excess of one million outlets I do think that this courageous policy may eventually lead to slight staffing problems. It may be that if and when such a situation should arise the company could consider employing the merely illiterate members of the population which, experience suggests, comprises the majority of persons under the age of forty. If this should prove difficult then I fear that your only recourse is to turn to the older members of society, although their basic good manners, knowledge and courtesy, may be disturbing to younger shoppers thus causing a decline in your sales of illegibly labelled compact discs and Thai curries.
To return to my visit I must state how I admired the 'sang froid' of a young assistant whose lapel badge proclaimed her to enjoy the somewhat unusual name of Tracy Supervisor. When I enquired about the labelling of genetically modified products she informed me that all the micro-waveable foods carried the instructions on the packet.I found this a refreshing example of the witty replies so naturally uttered issued by your staff and remain amazed by the way she managed to utter several such statements without the slightest hint of amusement showing on her serious countenance. Such training deserves the highest accolades and I ask that you pass my comments on to your excellent Personnel Manager.
A small hiatus occurred when I attempted to procure one of the wheeled baskets that were artistically arranged at the store entrance. These scientifically designed ensembles of steel wire are, as I'm sure you're aware, linked together by what appears to be a thin section of chain fencing. As I felt that steering sixteen of these magnificent vehicles around the store would deprive some other worthy shopper of the opportunity to sample your interesting range of goods, I endeavoured to separate one which would be sufficient for my modest needs. After several minutes of struggle I requested assistance from a young man who was attired in both pullover and hat bearing the 'smiling till' logo displayed all around your company's stores.Incidentally it is very thoughtful of your management to design a hat with the peak at the rear. This must be of immense help in preventing harmful ultra-violet from the sun affecting the bare necks of your young employees. I would assume that the time lost from sickness is greatly reduced by this innovation. Upon my asking this willing fellow for assistance he replied by saying ' Itexakwid.'
My delight at finding a fluent knowledge of the Serbo -Croat language was a requirement for your employees when, by deft use of sign language for the hard of hearing, he indicated that a one pound coin was all that was required to release the recalcitrant piece of chain fencing. This I must say is modern technology in its finest form as once the coin had entered a slotted section none of my subsequent efforts could release it again. I would assume that this clever device goes a long way to meeting the repair costs caused by these baskets being inconsiderately damaged by the libs of your more careless customers.
Whilst on the subject of the mobile shopping basket I never realised what a marvellous training aid they are for shoppers whose driving skills have become somewhat jaded. After suffering the rigours of a short urban journey to reach your store all drivers can revitalise their skills by pushing one these trolleys for only a few short yards. I feel sure that all customers must appreciate your consideration for what is largely a car borne trade.
I fear that I cannot comment any further on this visit to your emporium as, just after entering, I foolishly allowed my right leg to intersect a trolley that was headed towards a sign proclaiming 'baskets only.' I trust that no permanent damage was caused to your shopping vehicle and remain in awe of the design work that enables such a modest creation to be loaded to a height of six feet or more above ground level and still provide room for three young children to sit in comfort.
After my discharge from hospital I shall certainly visit your store again.
Sincerely
Modified Foodmarkets plc.
Genetics Square
The Forward For Science Industrial Park
Euro Area South West 21.
Dear General Manager,
After a recent visit to your company's new globerama market in Yorkshire I feel compelled to note one or two points that may be of interest to yourself.
I must congratulate you on your policy of solely employing young people who appear to suffer from the unfortunate syndrome known as 'learning difficulties.' As you now operate in excess of one million outlets I do think that this courageous policy may eventually lead to slight staffing problems. It may be that if and when such a situation should arise the company could consider employing the merely illiterate members of the population which, experience suggests, comprises the majority of persons under the age of forty. If this should prove difficult then I fear that your only recourse is to turn to the older members of society, although their basic good manners, knowledge and courtesy, may be disturbing to younger shoppers thus causing a decline in your sales of illegibly labelled compact discs and Thai curries.
To return to my visit I must state how I admired the 'sang froid' of a young assistant whose lapel badge proclaimed her to enjoy the somewhat unusual name of Tracy Supervisor. When I enquired about the labelling of genetically modified products she informed me that all the micro-waveable foods carried the instructions on the packet.I found this a refreshing example of the witty replies so naturally uttered issued by your staff and remain amazed by the way she managed to utter several such statements without the slightest hint of amusement showing on her serious countenance. Such training deserves the highest accolades and I ask that you pass my comments on to your excellent Personnel Manager.
A small hiatus occurred when I attempted to procure one of the wheeled baskets that were artistically arranged at the store entrance. These scientifically designed ensembles of steel wire are, as I'm sure you're aware, linked together by what appears to be a thin section of chain fencing. As I felt that steering sixteen of these magnificent vehicles around the store would deprive some other worthy shopper of the opportunity to sample your interesting range of goods, I endeavoured to separate one which would be sufficient for my modest needs. After several minutes of struggle I requested assistance from a young man who was attired in both pullover and hat bearing the 'smiling till' logo displayed all around your company's stores.Incidentally it is very thoughtful of your management to design a hat with the peak at the rear. This must be of immense help in preventing harmful ultra-violet from the sun affecting the bare necks of your young employees. I would assume that the time lost from sickness is greatly reduced by this innovation. Upon my asking this willing fellow for assistance he replied by saying ' Itexakwid.'
My delight at finding a fluent knowledge of the Serbo -Croat language was a requirement for your employees when, by deft use of sign language for the hard of hearing, he indicated that a one pound coin was all that was required to release the recalcitrant piece of chain fencing. This I must say is modern technology in its finest form as once the coin had entered a slotted section none of my subsequent efforts could release it again. I would assume that this clever device goes a long way to meeting the repair costs caused by these baskets being inconsiderately damaged by the libs of your more careless customers.
Whilst on the subject of the mobile shopping basket I never realised what a marvellous training aid they are for shoppers whose driving skills have become somewhat jaded. After suffering the rigours of a short urban journey to reach your store all drivers can revitalise their skills by pushing one these trolleys for only a few short yards. I feel sure that all customers must appreciate your consideration for what is largely a car borne trade.
I fear that I cannot comment any further on this visit to your emporium as, just after entering, I foolishly allowed my right leg to intersect a trolley that was headed towards a sign proclaiming 'baskets only.' I trust that no permanent damage was caused to your shopping vehicle and remain in awe of the design work that enables such a modest creation to be loaded to a height of six feet or more above ground level and still provide room for three young children to sit in comfort.
After my discharge from hospital I shall certainly visit your store again.
Sincerely
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
A Letter To The Surgery
The Practice Manager
Bodycheck Medical Centre
Dialysis Medical Village
Fundsway
RI 1 8Nt
Dear Practice Manager,
As an infrequent user of the excellent facilities available at your well appointed centre I feel that I must apologise for any consternation caused by my recent visit.
I was unaware that, for obviously sound health reasons, your customers are expected to walk to the centre and thus offer my apologies to the stern lady in jackboots who was supervising your spacious parking area. It did seem to me to be an unusual job for the loud voiced senior receptionist but I can assure you that her being trapped between my vehicle's radiator and the boundary wall was a pure accident. I consider the nice young police constable was in error by referring to the incident as attempted murder.
A innovative feature that I noted was the security guard searching all visitors to the surgery for evidence of tobacco and alcohol abuse. If this could be extended to other categories, sports abuse, food abuse, self abuse etc. significant progress would be made to the ideal of ensuring that only completely healthy people gain access to the centre. This would ease the strain on your overworked medical staff and enable them to spend more time investigating the links between smoking and the Mongol expansion into Europe during the first Millennium.
I did feel that the compulsory seventy-eight page pre-appointment questionnaire took some considerable time to complete but remain grateful for the compulsory hypno-therapy session in section forty-three. I had never realised what evil people my parents had been and look forward to their forthcoming trial and probable imprisonment.
A suggestion that you may consider is to more widely display the events that take place on the premises. Had I realised that Thursday was Gay Health Day I would not have shown my surprise when the young man in the black leather jacket took my hand and attempted to lead me into a curtained cubicle. I can assure you that I had no intention of causing him such serious injuries, the marks on his throat being from a purely reflex action when he offered to help me undress. I must add that were the cubicles a little larger then my knee would not have struck his groin as he attempted to sit down. Please send him my best regards and I do hope that the steel implant in his spine will eventually enable him to recover at least some power of movement.
My comments to the lady behind the armoured glass in the reception area were of a jocular nature and were only made because of her extraordinary resemblance to the late female commandant of the Ravensbruck Concentration Camp. The remark about her being too young to have belonged to the Hitler Youth was intended as a compliment and my question about her medical knowledge was only made because of my admiration of the intensive pre-consultation briefing she subjected me to. I can assure you that my observations about cauldrons and broomsticks were merely a reference to alternative medical practises and only made in wonderment of the wide knowledge she seemed to have on all health matters.
As all four hundred and twenty of the group medical staff have now refused me a consultation I am endeavouring to memorise the three volumes of your Regulations for Prospective Patients publication. If I am successful in passing the Rejected Patient Re-entry Examination I have a tentative appointment for March 2017 and hope to see you then.
Cordially yours,
Bodycheck Medical Centre
Dialysis Medical Village
Fundsway
RI 1 8Nt
Dear Practice Manager,
As an infrequent user of the excellent facilities available at your well appointed centre I feel that I must apologise for any consternation caused by my recent visit.
I was unaware that, for obviously sound health reasons, your customers are expected to walk to the centre and thus offer my apologies to the stern lady in jackboots who was supervising your spacious parking area. It did seem to me to be an unusual job for the loud voiced senior receptionist but I can assure you that her being trapped between my vehicle's radiator and the boundary wall was a pure accident. I consider the nice young police constable was in error by referring to the incident as attempted murder.
A innovative feature that I noted was the security guard searching all visitors to the surgery for evidence of tobacco and alcohol abuse. If this could be extended to other categories, sports abuse, food abuse, self abuse etc. significant progress would be made to the ideal of ensuring that only completely healthy people gain access to the centre. This would ease the strain on your overworked medical staff and enable them to spend more time investigating the links between smoking and the Mongol expansion into Europe during the first Millennium.
I did feel that the compulsory seventy-eight page pre-appointment questionnaire took some considerable time to complete but remain grateful for the compulsory hypno-therapy session in section forty-three. I had never realised what evil people my parents had been and look forward to their forthcoming trial and probable imprisonment.
A suggestion that you may consider is to more widely display the events that take place on the premises. Had I realised that Thursday was Gay Health Day I would not have shown my surprise when the young man in the black leather jacket took my hand and attempted to lead me into a curtained cubicle. I can assure you that I had no intention of causing him such serious injuries, the marks on his throat being from a purely reflex action when he offered to help me undress. I must add that were the cubicles a little larger then my knee would not have struck his groin as he attempted to sit down. Please send him my best regards and I do hope that the steel implant in his spine will eventually enable him to recover at least some power of movement.
My comments to the lady behind the armoured glass in the reception area were of a jocular nature and were only made because of her extraordinary resemblance to the late female commandant of the Ravensbruck Concentration Camp. The remark about her being too young to have belonged to the Hitler Youth was intended as a compliment and my question about her medical knowledge was only made because of my admiration of the intensive pre-consultation briefing she subjected me to. I can assure you that my observations about cauldrons and broomsticks were merely a reference to alternative medical practises and only made in wonderment of the wide knowledge she seemed to have on all health matters.
As all four hundred and twenty of the group medical staff have now refused me a consultation I am endeavouring to memorise the three volumes of your Regulations for Prospective Patients publication. If I am successful in passing the Rejected Patient Re-entry Examination I have a tentative appointment for March 2017 and hope to see you then.
Cordially yours,
Thursday, 9 February 2012
Daily News
Scanning through the paper this morning I came across the following stories that show to what a shit state England has descended. ( Warning -the stories are from the Daily Fail so accuracy is dubious)
1. Some fart of a governmenttwat wanker running dog has made a statement about legislation to be introduced to curb the current spate of attacks by dangerous dogs. All puppies are to be micro -chipped at birth and a rolling programme will then hoover up all the adult dogs in the country. HTF are the power mad bastards going to monitor that? When a dog licence was only 7/6d ( 37p) eighty percent of dog owners didn't bother bying one so, with a micro-chip costing up to £35, it may just be possible a similar situation arises.
2. The worst prime minister since The Gorgon of Kirkaldy ( who was the worst P.M. since the husband of that slot mouth female Q.C.) has decreed that what British Industry needs is morescreeching feminazis women in the boardroom. Actually it's Brussels that has decided it but the Camermong is trying to make out that it's all his own idea to introduce legislation to ensure that more dripping fannies sprottle the high class leather of boardroom chairs. WTF has it got to do with any politician how companies make up their directorships?
3. Ther has been a sixfold increase over five years of schoolgirls getting contraceptive implants. This is being implemented by local authority health fanatics without the knowledge of the children's parents and, because of confidentiality legislation, is allowable within statute law. All the girls,some as young as thirteen, have to do is request the implants. Personally if they're that eager to have sex at that age I'd rather see them fitted with time locked chastity belts that wouldn't open until after their menopause. It would probably be the cheaper option.
4. Mothers wanting to return to work are having difficulty finding classy part time jobs. All the jobs on offer according to that hotbed of feminism, Netmums, are cleaning, clerical or cashier type jobs that do not appeal to thebossy managerial type of mothers.
Well too frigging bad. It's time you damp knickered harridans realised that if you make the choice to have a baby then the rest of society, including employers, do not have to bend over backwards to accommodate your every demand and desire. The lot of you go away and straddle a porcupine's backbone. That should keep your mind off the paucity of proper jobs for people of such station.
1. Some fart of a government
2. The worst prime minister since The Gorgon of Kirkaldy ( who was the worst P.M. since the husband of that slot mouth female Q.C.) has decreed that what British Industry needs is more
3. Ther has been a sixfold increase over five years of schoolgirls getting contraceptive implants. This is being implemented by local authority health fanatics without the knowledge of the children's parents and, because of confidentiality legislation, is allowable within statute law. All the girls,some as young as thirteen, have to do is request the implants. Personally if they're that eager to have sex at that age I'd rather see them fitted with time locked chastity belts that wouldn't open until after their menopause. It would probably be the cheaper option.
4. Mothers wanting to return to work are having difficulty finding classy part time jobs. All the jobs on offer according to that hotbed of feminism, Netmums, are cleaning, clerical or cashier type jobs that do not appeal to the
Well too frigging bad. It's time you damp knickered harridans realised that if you make the choice to have a baby then the rest of society, including employers, do not have to bend over backwards to accommodate your every demand and desire. The lot of you go away and straddle a porcupine's backbone. That should keep your mind off the paucity of proper jobs for people of such station.
Thursday, 2 February 2012
Thursday 2nd. February 2012
Labour's Tom Watson made a statement about the Metropolitan Police investigating News Corporation's alleged hacking of e-mails.
Thursday 2nd. February 2012
The Metropolitan Police issued an apology after revealing that during a survey the e-mail addresses of over 1100 crime victims were sent to survey recipients.
Leaving that hotbed of social activity, the daily convey of grandchildren to the school, I noticed an interesting letter published in the Daily Fail.
Claiming that the taxation and banning from public places has caused people to stop smoking and therefore reduced heart attacks the writer extends the principal a little further to tackle obesity which, he/she claims, is now our top medical concern
I suggest that from January 1 2013 everybody will have to undergo a tax/obesity assessment - weight, height and girth - providing an index figure. If you're 'above the line' you get taxed more and your tax code is adjusted. Get slim and your tax is normal. It's only fair after all, bigger or fatter people will, ultimately, make greater calls on NHS services.
Assuming the writer, one P. Webberly, from Preston is not at present confined in an institute it becomes interesting to analyse the way his/her cell challenged mind operates.
If EVERYONE in the country is to be weight tested on a regular basis how much does Webberley of Preston think it might cost? Does this economically illiteratewankrag commentator expect the extra taxation to more than cover the cost of such procedures? Does The Webberley consider the number of extra non productive leeches that HMRC would have to employ and the cost thereof?
The answer is probably not, but be assured, the said Webberley almost certainly had a massive orgasm when typing the sacred letters NHS into the e-mail.
Even more frightening is that the letters editor of The Fail actually published such crap and that there are thousands more Webberlys infesting this once free and pleasant land.
Labour's Tom Watson made a statement about the Metropolitan Police investigating News Corporation's alleged hacking of e-mails.
Thursday 2nd. February 2012
The Metropolitan Police issued an apology after revealing that during a survey the e-mail addresses of over 1100 crime victims were sent to survey recipients.
Leaving that hotbed of social activity, the daily convey of grandchildren to the school, I noticed an interesting letter published in the Daily Fail.
Claiming that the taxation and banning from public places has caused people to stop smoking and therefore reduced heart attacks the writer extends the principal a little further to tackle obesity which, he/she claims, is now our top medical concern
I suggest that from January 1 2013 everybody will have to undergo a tax/obesity assessment - weight, height and girth - providing an index figure. If you're 'above the line' you get taxed more and your tax code is adjusted. Get slim and your tax is normal. It's only fair after all, bigger or fatter people will, ultimately, make greater calls on NHS services.
Assuming the writer, one P. Webberly, from Preston is not at present confined in an institute it becomes interesting to analyse the way his/her cell challenged mind operates.
If EVERYONE in the country is to be weight tested on a regular basis how much does Webberley of Preston think it might cost? Does this economically illiterate
The answer is probably not, but be assured, the said Webberley almost certainly had a massive orgasm when typing the sacred letters NHS into the e-mail.
Even more frightening is that the letters editor of The Fail actually published such crap and that there are thousands more Webberlys infesting this once free and pleasant land.
Monday, 30 January 2012
Gays, Plods, Victims
I see a new proposal is seeking to both increase the fines paid by offending motorists and also increase the amount the convicted felon driver has to pay to the 'victim surcharge fund.' Ken ( I love the E.U.) Clarke is in favour of charging all offenders an increased surcharge on their conviction.
I don't suppose it's occurred to the fat twat that if the fine levied for the offence was given to the victims whatsit then there would be no need for any surcharge.
Of course not. He's a a politician well versed in the arts of stealing money from the electorate.
The Plod have been attracting my attention lately with their aggressive eagerness to shove the prognoses in the world of professional football. The issue is, of course, racialism which seems to be a supposed crime at which the amount of money wasted is proportional to the number of stupid complaints made. The opportunities for 'fans' to make mischief in this way may well cause a few ChiefWankers Constables to wish they hadn't leapt on to the equality bandwagon so readily.
A further annoyance is that coming from the 'gay' section of society who now want equal rights in marriages. It's not on lads and lasses. I don't care if you want to go and turd burgle the entire Arabian Peninsular but marriage IS a religious institution for man and woman, not man and man or woman and woman. By all means have the same rights as married couples but do not , under any circumstances, claim that your union is that of marriage. You've stolen enough words for your own use already as pouf, queer, shirt lifter or lezzie, didn't seem to suit your sense of propriety. So for your partnerships invent a word or words of your own and please remember that I once had an excellent local pub called The Gay Lancer. It is one of the few pubs not closed by the smoking ban.
I don't suppose it's occurred to the fat twat that if the fine levied for the offence was given to the victims whatsit then there would be no need for any surcharge.
Of course not. He's a a politician well versed in the arts of stealing money from the electorate.
The Plod have been attracting my attention lately with their aggressive eagerness to shove the prognoses in the world of professional football. The issue is, of course, racialism which seems to be a supposed crime at which the amount of money wasted is proportional to the number of stupid complaints made. The opportunities for 'fans' to make mischief in this way may well cause a few Chief
A further annoyance is that coming from the 'gay' section of society who now want equal rights in marriages. It's not on lads and lasses. I don't care if you want to go and turd burgle the entire Arabian Peninsular but marriage IS a religious institution for man and woman, not man and man or woman and woman. By all means have the same rights as married couples but do not , under any circumstances, claim that your union is that of marriage. You've stolen enough words for your own use already as pouf, queer, shirt lifter or lezzie, didn't seem to suit your sense of propriety. So for your partnerships invent a word or words of your own and please remember that I once had an excellent local pub called The Gay Lancer. It is one of the few pubs not closed by the smoking ban.
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
A pensioner in Yorkshire has been given a ten year ASBO for making insulting remarks about local businessmen, clergymen and a councillor on his blog entitled ' Wolds Eye.'
Reading the article in the Daily Tail doesn't give you much detail on what he wrote but the way in which the matter has been dealt with should concern all bloggers as it smacks of censorship by the powers that be.
If the man made false claims about the people named in the article then there are existing laws regarding libel and slander that could have been utilised by the individuals concerned to silence and refute any untruths made about them. However, they, in the way of today, chose to make complaints of harrassment of to the local plod that ended up with him appearing at Hull magistrates court last week.
The article states that his blog was taken down by the authorities last year but does not mention what 'authorities' or their right to 'take down' a private blog.District Judge Frederick Rutherford rejected the defence by stating ' It's a nonsense to to hide such appalling actions behind human rights. This is clearly anti - social behaviour.'
They obviously want to hang a criminal offence on bloggers as it's much easier to control the people that way. I wonder if he had his DNA recorded?
Reading the article in the Daily Tail doesn't give you much detail on what he wrote but the way in which the matter has been dealt with should concern all bloggers as it smacks of censorship by the powers that be.
If the man made false claims about the people named in the article then there are existing laws regarding libel and slander that could have been utilised by the individuals concerned to silence and refute any untruths made about them. However, they, in the way of today, chose to make complaints of harrassment of to the local plod that ended up with him appearing at Hull magistrates court last week.
The article states that his blog was taken down by the authorities last year but does not mention what 'authorities' or their right to 'take down' a private blog.District Judge Frederick Rutherford rejected the defence by stating ' It's a nonsense to to hide such appalling actions behind human rights. This is clearly anti - social behaviour.'
They obviously want to hang a criminal offence on bloggers as it's much easier to control the people that way. I wonder if he had his DNA recorded?
Friday, 20 January 2012
Pressurising MPs.
Reading about the greasy slitherings over the Clegg's plan to make MPs accountable to the electorate between elections I was struck by an allied thought.
If Libertarians could get their act together there could be organised a campaign to removearseholes MPs and/or councillors at the next elections.
The subjects would have to be carefully chosen, size of majorities, parliamentary committees engaged on etc and ,of course ,would have to be told that they were being targeted because they had no interest in the rights of anybody apart from their favourite pressure groups.
A low cost leaflet campaign could then be mounted in each constituency giving the MP/Councillor's voting/attendance record, where they stood on civil liberties and freedom etc, and also perhaps giving advice on voting for a non mainstream party.
I would think that very few of the smokers, drinkers and obese among us have any idea where their elected representative stands on these issues. Finding out might well change voting patterns although it would take some organising.
If Libertarians could get their act together there could be organised a campaign to remove
The subjects would have to be carefully chosen, size of majorities, parliamentary committees engaged on etc and ,of course ,would have to be told that they were being targeted because they had no interest in the rights of anybody apart from their favourite pressure groups.
A low cost leaflet campaign could then be mounted in each constituency giving the MP/Councillor's voting/attendance record, where they stood on civil liberties and freedom etc, and also perhaps giving advice on voting for a non mainstream party.
I would think that very few of the smokers, drinkers and obese among us have any idea where their elected representative stands on these issues. Finding out might well change voting patterns although it would take some organising.
Thursday, 19 January 2012
Schools & Things
Picking the granddaughter up from school today I was presented with an A4 sized sheet of paper entitled School Newsletter. ( They've only been back two weeks for heavens sake) As said GD was busy chatting to her school friends as we strolled in the direction of the old abode I decided to cast my eye over the doubtless silly but engaging stories in such a newsletter. Newsletter my arse it was a complete bollocking for any parent or guardian who was unwise enough to let their child attend that school.
Page one ( the front sheet) started with a health enforcement article reminding parents that lunch boxes must not contain sweets, bars of chocolate or fizzy drinks as the school is involved in a 'healthy eating programme' . Now the healthy eating is undoubtedly inspired by that sad, lank haired twat Jamie Oliver but surely as the parents choose to give their offspring the sort of food that children like it's surely no business of the surly, black clad Medusa in the headteachers office what choices they offer to their children.
This is swiftly followed by a barely veiled threats about ENSURING that dinner money IS PLACED in an envelope with the child's name and class on and furthermore HANDED to the pupils class teacher in ADVANCE on a Monday morning. Next is a bit of light relief with a REMINDER that KS1 milk money is due again in September. ( It's only January for fks sake)
The sheet is finished with a list of events and an admonition that THESE are Important dates for your diary so enter them as soon as you get home, you imbecilic parent, you. The reverse side contains dates when the school is closed which through some optical illusion appear to be more frequent than the days when it is open.
I should mention that the newsletter is sub headed Summer Term 2011 although the dates given refer to 2012. Perhaps the LEA is so committed to its belief in Climate Change that all terms are now designated as Summer. Perhaps in a few years they will be called Hot, Hotter, Arid and The End of Life.
Page one ( the front sheet) started with a health enforcement article reminding parents that lunch boxes must not contain sweets, bars of chocolate or fizzy drinks as the school is involved in a 'healthy eating programme' . Now the healthy eating is undoubtedly inspired by that sad, lank haired twat Jamie Oliver but surely as the parents choose to give their offspring the sort of food that children like it's surely no business of the surly, black clad Medusa in the headteachers office what choices they offer to their children.
This is swiftly followed by a barely veiled threats about ENSURING that dinner money IS PLACED in an envelope with the child's name and class on and furthermore HANDED to the pupils class teacher in ADVANCE on a Monday morning. Next is a bit of light relief with a REMINDER that KS1 milk money is due again in September. ( It's only January for fks sake)
The sheet is finished with a list of events and an admonition that THESE are Important dates for your diary so enter them as soon as you get home, you imbecilic parent, you. The reverse side contains dates when the school is closed which through some optical illusion appear to be more frequent than the days when it is open.
I should mention that the newsletter is sub headed Summer Term 2011 although the dates given refer to 2012. Perhaps the LEA is so committed to its belief in Climate Change that all terms are now designated as Summer. Perhaps in a few years they will be called Hot, Hotter, Arid and The End of Life.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Modern Morals
This morning, as on most mornings, I was waiting with my granddaughter for the school door to open when my enjoyment of the early frost and sharp air was destroyed by the actions of a witless oaf of around two years in age.
It is the practise for parents and other adults delivering a child to the school to congregate in the playground a few minutes before the official start time. As the various people pass the time by inconsequential chatter amongst themselves the children, naturally, run around with their friends and generally have a good time. Many of the mothers have children below school age with them and quite obviously bring them along with their older siblings. This particular blight on the civilised world had been freed from his taxpayer funded pushchair and was wandering around the yard, totally unsupervised, with the normal vacant expression adopted by the natives of this ex-mining village. Reaching a position about a yard behind his vacated conveyance he stopped, looked contemptuously around, hawked, and spat a massive globule of phlegm onto the playground surface. The mother of this object paused from her mobile phone conversation to utter the words,' good un, gerrit of yer chest then', and returned to her phone to tell her co-conversationalist that ' our Jockos just had a good gob in playground'.
The small creature then proceeded to put his right trainer into the phelgm and having it adhered to the sole, tried speading the leavings of his diseased chest all over the school yard.
I know that spitting in public has become very prevelant of the last twenty years or so. I realise that it was probably started by professional footballers expectorating all over the pitch in some belief that it was healthy for them to do so. I accept that children will only follow the lead of the parents nad that at two years old they are not to blame. But, and I know that it is a big but,just let me loose with an automatic rifle make the council enforce the by-laws and I guarantee that within forty eight hours a couple of months there will be no more phlegm on the streets, pavements and playgrounds of this village.
It is the practise for parents and other adults delivering a child to the school to congregate in the playground a few minutes before the official start time. As the various people pass the time by inconsequential chatter amongst themselves the children, naturally, run around with their friends and generally have a good time. Many of the mothers have children below school age with them and quite obviously bring them along with their older siblings. This particular blight on the civilised world had been freed from his taxpayer funded pushchair and was wandering around the yard, totally unsupervised, with the normal vacant expression adopted by the natives of this ex-mining village. Reaching a position about a yard behind his vacated conveyance he stopped, looked contemptuously around, hawked, and spat a massive globule of phlegm onto the playground surface. The mother of this object paused from her mobile phone conversation to utter the words,' good un, gerrit of yer chest then', and returned to her phone to tell her co-conversationalist that ' our Jockos just had a good gob in playground'.
The small creature then proceeded to put his right trainer into the phelgm and having it adhered to the sole, tried speading the leavings of his diseased chest all over the school yard.
I know that spitting in public has become very prevelant of the last twenty years or so. I realise that it was probably started by professional footballers expectorating all over the pitch in some belief that it was healthy for them to do so. I accept that children will only follow the lead of the parents nad that at two years old they are not to blame. But, and I know that it is a big but,
Friday, 13 January 2012
Soviet Methods in the Anti Industry
Today I was considering all sorts of things in a vague sort of way when the words of a famous novelist wandered through my mind.
They have an unarguable belief in the righteousness of their cause and the inevitability of that cause coming to fruition. They will listen to no argument against that cause. They consider all methods lawful that will further that cause. The use of lies and propoganda is necessary and correct to ensure that other people accept the imposition of that cause.
The words are from memory and may not as Eric Morcambe might said ' be nessessarily in the right order' but are fairly accurate in their meaning. Who was he writing about? It was the attempted Sovietisation of Germany after the war but the words were learned well by the New Righteous to seek to regulate our lives by an increasing amount every day that passes.
They have an unarguable belief in the righteousness of their cause and the inevitability of that cause coming to fruition. They will listen to no argument against that cause. They consider all methods lawful that will further that cause. The use of lies and propoganda is necessary and correct to ensure that other people accept the imposition of that cause.
The words are from memory and may not as Eric Morcambe might said ' be nessessarily in the right order' but are fairly accurate in their meaning. Who was he writing about? It was the attempted Sovietisation of Germany after the war but the words were learned well by the New Righteous to seek to regulate our lives by an increasing amount every day that passes.
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
The War On Racialism
The great battle against racialism has opened a new front within the motor trade. Volkswagon, that well known German manufacturer of ' Hitler' cars has launched two variants of its new 'up' super mini called ' The White Up' and 'The Black Up.'
Guess which model is causing offence in the U.K.?
VW bosses in the UK blocked the black version because it could give offence to ethnic minorities. For why pray? Oh, obviously, the term 'black up' could give offence to ethnic minorities who may associate it with white actors and singersblacking up applying dark make-up to perform as minstrels darker complexioned expert players of stringed musical instruments en route to ' De Camptown Races.'
To get round this the VW people in the UK have simply reversed the words and called the vehicle 'The Up Black' which has done nothing to satisfy the ranks of the professionally offended.
There must legions of these useless sperm seepers spending every day of their lives looking for something to complain about. One example. a creature entitled Matthew Collins from an organism called Hope Not Hate branded the name insensitive. He said that in this country we seem to be dealing with an explosion of racism and these are not the wisest of words to be have been chosen.
What drooping dicks he and his cohorts are. They,like all true believers, will never realise that the majority of people, both black and white, would never have thought twice about the car name if the campaigners hadn't made it into one of their endless causes.
Guess which model is causing offence in the U.K.?
VW bosses in the UK blocked the black version because it could give offence to ethnic minorities. For why pray? Oh, obviously, the term 'black up' could give offence to ethnic minorities who may associate it with white actors and singers
To get round this the VW people in the UK have simply reversed the words and called the vehicle 'The Up Black' which has done nothing to satisfy the ranks of the professionally offended.
There must legions of these useless sperm seepers spending every day of their lives looking for something to complain about. One example. a creature entitled Matthew Collins from an organism called Hope Not Hate branded the name insensitive. He said that in this country we seem to be dealing with an explosion of racism and these are not the wisest of words to be have been chosen.
What drooping dicks he and his cohorts are. They,like all true believers, will never realise that the majority of people, both black and white, would never have thought twice about the car name if the campaigners hadn't made it into one of their endless causes.
Friday, 6 January 2012
I still haven't worked out my forthcoming post on racialism so I'll content myself with highlighting the situation in which the Attorney General is reviewing the sentences in the Lawrence case and the claims of the plod about bringing the others to justice.
According to the Mail a member of the public complained, within hours of the sentencing, that the tariffs given to Norris and Dobson were ' too lenient,' a spokesman for the A.G. stated that ' anybody can request that and we will consider it in the normal way'.
So Messrs Norris and Dobson not only will the state ensure that you are tried repeatedly until it gets the 'right' verdict it will also make sure that the sentence can reviewed until an anonymous member of the public gets a result that the said 'person' perceives to be right. Regarding the state of the frenzy regarding the case don't be surprised to see balks of timber being delivered to the prison and the to hear the sound of carpenters hammering and sawing.
The Mail has assisted the cause of justice by naming the Acourt brothers and Jamie Knight as the persons who have dodged justice in the Lawrence case. DCI Driscoll for the MET said that officers would visit Norris and Dobson in prison to see if theywould shop the Acourts and Knight would be willing to assist the enquiry in which he was optimistic about progress being made.
Should make for a fair trial if they're ever brought to court.
According to the Mail a member of the public complained, within hours of the sentencing, that the tariffs given to Norris and Dobson were ' too lenient,' a spokesman for the A.G. stated that ' anybody can request that and we will consider it in the normal way'.
So Messrs Norris and Dobson not only will the state ensure that you are tried repeatedly until it gets the 'right' verdict it will also make sure that the sentence can reviewed until an anonymous member of the public gets a result that the said 'person' perceives to be right. Regarding the state of the frenzy regarding the case don't be surprised to see balks of timber being delivered to the prison and the to hear the sound of carpenters hammering and sawing.
The Mail has assisted the cause of justice by naming the Acourt brothers and Jamie Knight as the persons who have dodged justice in the Lawrence case. DCI Driscoll for the MET said that officers would visit Norris and Dobson in prison to see if they
Should make for a fair trial if they're ever brought to court.
Thursday, 5 January 2012
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
The Lawrence Trial
There have been many excellent posts on the Lawrence trial, especially the unease felt by many at the way which events seem have been 'stage managed' by the authorities and their lap dogs in the media.
For those who want a well detailed written opinion of this unease I recommend the following author www.annaraccoon.com where the possible failings in societal perception and the flawed justice system are impressively documented. Having said that I must admit that I think the two thugs are probably guilty but if I had sat on that jury I would have been unable to give a guilty verdict on both the evidence thus reported and the pre-trial leaks by police and media that proclaimed guilt before the accused even entered the court.
The media circus that surrounded the verdicts and the host of righteous bandwagon jumpers leave a very nasty taste in the mouth where the dignity of justice is concerned. We have of course seen this before in cases such as the Bulger killing and the Soham murders, both cases which brought an unwelcome change in both law and society.
Do read the linked article as it covers questions that many of might not think to ask in the face of today's media outpourings.
For those who want a well detailed written opinion of this unease I recommend the following author www.annaraccoon.com where the possible failings in societal perception and the flawed justice system are impressively documented. Having said that I must admit that I think the two thugs are probably guilty but if I had sat on that jury I would have been unable to give a guilty verdict on both the evidence thus reported and the pre-trial leaks by police and media that proclaimed guilt before the accused even entered the court.
The media circus that surrounded the verdicts and the host of righteous bandwagon jumpers leave a very nasty taste in the mouth where the dignity of justice is concerned. We have of course seen this before in cases such as the Bulger killing and the Soham murders, both cases which brought an unwelcome change in both law and society.
Do read the linked article as it covers questions that many of might not think to ask in the face of today's media outpourings.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Plod Watch
That rather strange entity known as Milton Keynes suffered yet another serious crime incident in the early hours of new years day.
A mini -cab driver rang 99 to report that his taxi had been stolen by a group of passengers travelling the vehicle. Police later found the vehicle and on officer was seriously injured when the driver attempted a getaway. Five people have been arrested and the mini-cab owner has been charged with overloading a vehicle. Plods are appealing for witnesses but haven't stated whether they require them for the theft of the overloading.
Freedom of information requests have revealed that more than 900serving employed police officers and PCSOs have criminal records that range from burglary to perverting the course of justice.
I suppose that nobody is surprised although I remember a time in near past when having a conviction for dangerous driving could prevent a person from having a licence to serve alcohol. Times are changing too damned fast.
A mini -cab driver rang 99 to report that his taxi had been stolen by a group of passengers travelling the vehicle. Police later found the vehicle and on officer was seriously injured when the driver attempted a getaway. Five people have been arrested and the mini-cab owner has been charged with overloading a vehicle. Plods are appealing for witnesses but haven't stated whether they require them for the theft of the overloading.
Freedom of information requests have revealed that more than 900
I suppose that nobody is surprised although I remember a time in near past when having a conviction for dangerous driving could prevent a person from having a licence to serve alcohol. Times are changing too damned fast.
Monday, 2 January 2012
Well now that the holiday period is over it may be relevant to air a few truths about the Christmas period.
1. A Christmas Day combination of sprouts, porks, pigs in blankets, season pudding, white sauce, whisky (single malt of course), ale and wine can cause problems if more than thirty feet away from the loo.
2. The T.V. is shite. ( presumption since I didn't turn it on.)
3. The media have perfected the art of removing religion from a religious festival. ( should please the diversity mob)
4. Continuing with 1. in the evening keeps you even closer to the loo the following morning.
5. Sprouts, cold pork and trifle are an amazing if little known cure for a hangover. ( also a reasonable and filling breakfast)
6. There isno time of the year in which politicians can keep their disgusting mouths shut.
1. A Christmas Day combination of sprouts, porks, pigs in blankets, season pudding, white sauce, whisky (single malt of course), ale and wine can cause problems if more than thirty feet away from the loo.
2. The T.V. is shite. ( presumption since I didn't turn it on.)
3. The media have perfected the art of removing religion from a religious festival. ( should please the diversity mob)
4. Continuing with 1. in the evening keeps you even closer to the loo the following morning.
5. Sprouts, cold pork and trifle are an amazing if little known cure for a hangover. ( also a reasonable and filling breakfast)
6. There isno time of the year in which politicians can keep their disgusting mouths shut.
Friday, 30 December 2011
I thought that i'd managed to re-start the blog in August but events, as usual , have caused delays to that little plan.
I've decided then to recommence in the new year which is after all a traditional time to 'start afresh' so to speak.
In the new start I've combined all my three blogs so that Plodwatch, The Crouching Croucher and Uncle Ranters will all become the one blog.
See you son and A HAPPY NEW YEAR to everybody. ( except politicians, interest groups, jobsworths, BBC employees et al.)
I've decided then to recommence in the new year which is after all a traditional time to 'start afresh' so to speak.
In the new start I've combined all my three blogs so that Plodwatch, The Crouching Croucher and Uncle Ranters will all become the one blog.
See you son and A HAPPY NEW YEAR to everybody. ( except politicians, interest groups, jobsworths, BBC employees et al.)
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Well back to the blog at last. The last few months have been taken up by what seemed to be a quite involved Industrial Tribunal case but, as ever, things turned out to be straightforward and my ex- employer surrendered without a shot being fired. Bloody spoilsport!
I'm tempted to join all the bloggers who are commenting on the various riots but, as every aspect of every viewpoint seems to have been written to death, I'll just content myself with a handful of brief notes.
The rioters are simply a bunch of thieves.
The police are so politicised that they are now incapable of keeping the peace or interacting with members of the public. For some strange reason every time I see a constable I get a mental flash of a black clad, shaven headed, brutish thug regarding every person in sight as an active criminal. I then blink and realise that the mental flash was in fact reality.( Their constant reference to the public as civilians is an indicator of their mindset.) All constables above the rank of Inspector should be sacked and non graduate constables gradually promoted in their place.
All politicians of all parties are to blame for the current state of society. They allowed unfettered immigration into our small island where there was no accommodation and few jobs. They have shaped and formulated an education system that operates at the lowest common denominator in order that no pupil can ever 'fail.' ( e.g. only a very few A level pupils would know what a denominator is. )
The same politicians have wilfully instituted both a social engineering & benefits system that removes personal responsibility but encourages irresponsibility. The state will tell you what to eat, drink, and bloody well think. You will not under any circumstances make any decision about your lifestyle that contravenes the 'advice' given by an army of state paid but self appointed experts. It is, however, quite alright to have several children by different fathers because that is your right as a 'liberated' person. The state will even reward you for having all these babies in the form of benefits and suitable housing. The state will then provide you with fifteen hours of childcare every week so that you can take a 'cash in job' to top up your welfare handouts. If you are a reasonably well paid 'middle class' family don't worry. You get the your own handouts for making the choice to have children which in effect means that you're only the same as the single mother raising her mixed brood on the local council estate. After all an income of £40,000 per annum really needs welfare back up doesn't it?
The same politicians will then spend endless hours making statements to lying journalists about how they intend to make things better and how everything is all the fault of the present/previousbunch of statist twats government. There are 650 of the evil turds none of whom, in the words of Koko, would be missed
Teachers and everybody else involved in the education system are also to blame for the state of society. Their job is simply to install academic excellence not to follow a political agenda layed down by Marxist orientated professionalpricks educators. The other rather unfortunate fact is that most of the teachers are only semi literate and numerate themselves.
The mass media consist only of a bunch of lazy, idolatrous, ignorant, self important,semen stains oafs that have a capacity for lying that equals that of their political masters.
The bankers and economists who in their greed led an entire nation into a national debt that may be irrecoverable.
The people of this nation who, being as greedy as the bankers and politicians, thought that property and material assets were the only indication of wealth ,status and happiness. You all forgot about love, compassion, companionship, charity and forgiveness, the properties of the only true contentment that the human race can achieve.
Perhaps more than a handful but it does clear the mind for the next rant.
I'm tempted to join all the bloggers who are commenting on the various riots but, as every aspect of every viewpoint seems to have been written to death, I'll just content myself with a handful of brief notes.
The rioters are simply a bunch of thieves.
The police are so politicised that they are now incapable of keeping the peace or interacting with members of the public. For some strange reason every time I see a constable I get a mental flash of a black clad, shaven headed, brutish thug regarding every person in sight as an active criminal. I then blink and realise that the mental flash was in fact reality.( Their constant reference to the public as civilians is an indicator of their mindset.) All constables above the rank of Inspector should be sacked and non graduate constables gradually promoted in their place.
All politicians of all parties are to blame for the current state of society. They allowed unfettered immigration into our small island where there was no accommodation and few jobs. They have shaped and formulated an education system that operates at the lowest common denominator in order that no pupil can ever 'fail.' ( e.g. only a very few A level pupils would know what a denominator is. )
The same politicians have wilfully instituted both a social engineering & benefits system that removes personal responsibility but encourages irresponsibility. The state will tell you what to eat, drink, and bloody well think. You will not under any circumstances make any decision about your lifestyle that contravenes the 'advice' given by an army of state paid but self appointed experts. It is, however, quite alright to have several children by different fathers because that is your right as a 'liberated' person. The state will even reward you for having all these babies in the form of benefits and suitable housing. The state will then provide you with fifteen hours of childcare every week so that you can take a 'cash in job' to top up your welfare handouts. If you are a reasonably well paid 'middle class' family don't worry. You get the your own handouts for making the choice to have children which in effect means that you're only the same as the single mother raising her mixed brood on the local council estate. After all an income of £40,000 per annum really needs welfare back up doesn't it?
The same politicians will then spend endless hours making statements to lying journalists about how they intend to make things better and how everything is all the fault of the present/previous
Teachers and everybody else involved in the education system are also to blame for the state of society. Their job is simply to install academic excellence not to follow a political agenda layed down by Marxist orientated professional
The mass media consist only of a bunch of lazy, idolatrous, ignorant, self important,
The bankers and economists who in their greed led an entire nation into a national debt that may be irrecoverable.
The people of this nation who, being as greedy as the bankers and politicians, thought that property and material assets were the only indication of wealth ,status and happiness. You all forgot about love, compassion, companionship, charity and forgiveness, the properties of the only true contentment that the human race can achieve.
Perhaps more than a handful but it does clear the mind for the next rant.
Monday, 25 April 2011
Telegraph Crap Beats Proper Reporting Every Time
A few un/interesting comments by those who guide us;
The Foreign Office has stated that about one million people will travel abroad for stag/hen parties this year, of which almost 170,000 will not have travel insurance. A spokesperson added that sun and alcohol don't always mix. This is incredible. How can they know such things?
LouiseBagshaft Bagshawe, described as a prominent Tory M.P., has been decrying the use of gagging orders by rich people, ' the girls ( invoved) equally have a right to their own lives and stories in my opinion, and they are being gagged by rich men who have the power to afford very good lawyers'. Actually Louise my dear the girls can also afford very good lawyers from the money they've been paid for their stories from the gutter class newspapers. ( Less Max Clifford's 10% of course.)
Thefascist twats government is planning a law that will make all puppies born in Britain be microchipped at a cost of £35.00 to the owner. This is an attempt to control the ownership of so called 'dangerous breed' dogs. Campaigners have said that such a move will penalise respectable middle class owners rather than the yobs with dangerous dogs who will most likely ignore such a requirement. Obviously all persons not of the middle classes only possess Pit Bulls, foaming Staffies, and deranged Dobermans that, when not crapping all over the streets, are engaged in such light hearted activities as child savaging and sheep murder. Total ARSEHOLES the lot of them, campaigners and government.
The Foreign Office has stated that about one million people will travel abroad for stag/hen parties this year, of which almost 170,000 will not have travel insurance. A spokesperson added that sun and alcohol don't always mix. This is incredible. How can they know such things?
Louise
The
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
A Safe Career In Somaliland
According to The Mail the Captain of H.M.S. Cornwall, Commander David Wilkinson, made the these comments after releasing seventeen Somali pirates his crew had arrested.
He first said that he was not convinced that bringing them back to the UK would have been a deterrent. ( Bang right mate, the bastards would have been on benefits and claiming asylum before you could have said Nelson's Blood. However if you care to check up on some Royal Navy history you might find that the navy used to hang pirates a few minutes after capturing them. This system apparently acted as some sort of deterrent.)
The gallant Commander then added the information that he was unconvinced that they had enough evidence to convict the pirates even though they were heavily armed, were holding hostages and had confessed!
I think I'll bugger off to Somaliland and hire meself a fishing boat and minimum wage crew. I foresee a lot of risk free profit to be made. ( The Commander obviously can look forward to a second career as a chief constable or member of the judiciary. )
He first said that he was not convinced that bringing them back to the UK would have been a deterrent. ( Bang right mate, the bastards would have been on benefits and claiming asylum before you could have said Nelson's Blood. However if you care to check up on some Royal Navy history you might find that the navy used to hang pirates a few minutes after capturing them. This system apparently acted as some sort of deterrent.)
The gallant Commander then added the information that he was unconvinced that they had enough evidence to convict the pirates even though they were heavily armed, were holding hostages and had confessed!
I think I'll bugger off to Somaliland and hire meself a fishing boat and minimum wage crew. I foresee a lot of risk free profit to be made. ( The Commander obviously can look forward to a second career as a chief constable or member of the judiciary. )
Friday, 1 April 2011
General Thoughts
I've stopped buying The Telegraph as the standard of reporting was fast approaching that of a broadsheet 'Sun' so have being trying out various other publications to find one that suits. Top of the Pops is The Yorkshire Post a well informed regional newspaper that amazingly still reports the news. The letters page is always interesting with ordinary people and not self important public purse suckers able to air their views.
One, undoubtedly, nice lady today wrote about her concern for the police involved with the thugs in the recent demonstrations in London. Unfortunately she didn't explain how she knew who were the police and who were the thugs.
A chap by the name of Paul Whalley has been convicted of a race hate crime in good old Liverpool. ( once the home port of many slave ships and a joint constantly telling us how proud it is of it's heritage.)
Apparently the said Whalley objected to two women parking on double yellow lines outside his children's school. During the following altercation Whalley admitted saying ' you don't do that in this country.' However a grandmother in the vehicle said much worse was uttered, culminating in the devasting remark' can't you blacks read?' In a further incident at a parent's evening Whalley was alleged to have made a reference to a banana boat.
He was of course convicted and awaits sentencing. I bet the local scuffers and CPS felt they had really done their duty on that one.
One, undoubtedly, nice lady today wrote about her concern for the police involved with the thugs in the recent demonstrations in London. Unfortunately she didn't explain how she knew who were the police and who were the thugs.
A chap by the name of Paul Whalley has been convicted of a race hate crime in good old Liverpool. ( once the home port of many slave ships and a joint constantly telling us how proud it is of it's heritage.)
Apparently the said Whalley objected to two women parking on double yellow lines outside his children's school. During the following altercation Whalley admitted saying ' you don't do that in this country.' However a grandmother in the vehicle said much worse was uttered, culminating in the devasting remark' can't you blacks read?' In a further incident at a parent's evening Whalley was alleged to have made a reference to a banana boat.
He was of course convicted and awaits sentencing. I bet the local scuffers and CPS felt they had really done their duty on that one.
Friday, 11 March 2011
The attack continues.....
Of all the festering arsehole farted shite that falls upon the outcasts of this nation the anti smoking bigots are definitely leading the way by the mass of sheer turdal outpourings from their collective syphilis infested brain cell.
First we have news from that happy holiday destination the island of Jersey. A rancid oaf by the name of Andrew Heaven, theChief of Human Experimentation and Compulsion Head of Health Improvement has stated that plans are afoot to ban smoking in private cars. He stated that the decision had already been made consultation with the public and all lying pressure groups and fake charities interested parties would take place before any move was made to implement this certainty proposal.
Then along comes the British Lung Foundation with 15000 fiddled and untutored children's signatures on a petition demanding that smoking in cars be made illegal when children are present. As the petition was presented at Gestapo HQ 10 Downing Street our clueless leader Davenik would undoubtedly have kissed many arses and promised that the 'Big Society' was mindful of their nauseating manipulation of concern and compassion for the nation's children.
Let us now head to that centre of European excellence the port and city of Liverpool, once famous for having the ugliest prostitutes between the prime meridian and the international date line. ( if memory serves me right those of Sydney just shaded it.) Courtesy of our impartial national broadcaster ( junior section), CBBC, a tale of depraved living and child abuse emerges from a spokesman for Alder Hey children's hospital.
Dr. Steve Ryan arenowned, self important twat, spokesman for the hospital said that one in three of the insanitary brats kids treated there were ill because conditions such as bronchitis, asthma, and ear infections could be caused by many factors in a large city were caused by parents smoking in front of them.
One little sweetie on the CBBC website made the poignant and heartbreaking statement that " there is a smoking ban in England but it doesn't apply to people's own space like their homes or cars. "( No darling it doesn't, and do you know why... no.. let me tell you, it's because the NAZI b'stards haven't got that far yet but by using your senseless bleating they will undoubtedly start making a case to make the use and possession of tobacco a criminal offence. So why don't you and all the other righteous brats go and jump in the Mersey and start swimming towards the Isle of Man,the exercise should do wonders for all your smoking related inflictions and ailments.)
First we have news from that happy holiday destination the island of Jersey. A rancid oaf by the name of Andrew Heaven, the
Then along comes the British Lung Foundation with 15000
Let us now head to that centre of European excellence the port and city of Liverpool, once famous for having the ugliest prostitutes between the prime meridian and the international date line. ( if memory serves me right those of Sydney just shaded it.) Courtesy of our impartial national broadcaster ( junior section), CBBC, a tale of depraved living and child abuse emerges from a spokesman for Alder Hey children's hospital.
Dr. Steve Ryan a
One little sweetie on the CBBC website made the poignant and heartbreaking statement that " there is a smoking ban in England but it doesn't apply to people's own space like their homes or cars. "( No darling it doesn't, and do you know why... no.. let me tell you, it's because the NAZI b'stards haven't got that far yet but by using your senseless bleating they will undoubtedly start making a case to make the use and possession of tobacco a criminal offence. So why don't you and all the other righteous brats go and jump in the Mersey and start swimming towards the Isle of Man,the exercise should do wonders for all your smoking related inflictions and ailments.)
Friday, 25 February 2011
Happiness Happiness the Greatest Thing The State will Possess.
The ONS ( the crapauds used to have a much more useful organisation called the OAS ) has been instructed by Cameron of the Coagulate to assess how satisfied we are with our lives. Moronic busybodies Researchers will be asking a sample of 200,000 thousand brain dead citizens ( People with brains will simply tell the inquisitor to f*** off ) four simple questions about how worthwhile they feel their lives are.
AnOGPU officer ONS employee referred to as Paul Allin said " psycho -babble is an accepted way of confusing everyone subjective well being is one approach to to understanding and measuring the well being of the nation. While we want to produce the results that the government have already given us consistent results over time, we will consider the first results as experimental.
You have been warned. Expect new laws that will bring enforced happiness upon all the nation. Poor people and pensioners will be full of well being or their benefits will be withdrawn. Council employees will be given powers to issue on the spot fines to anyone wearing a sombre expression. Newspeak, New Thoughts, New Happiness. The State Is your Mother and Your Father and Your Protector. All Is Well. Sieg Heil Seig Heil Sieg Heil......
An
You have been warned. Expect new laws that will bring enforced happiness upon all the nation. Poor people and pensioners will be full of well being or their benefits will be withdrawn. Council employees will be given powers to issue on the spot fines to anyone wearing a sombre expression. Newspeak, New Thoughts, New Happiness. The State Is your Mother and Your Father and Your Protector. All Is Well. Sieg Heil Seig Heil Sieg Heil......
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