A Letter To The Surgery

The Practice Manager

Bodycheck Medical Centre

Dialysis Medical Village

Fundsway

RI 1 8Nt

Dear Practice Manager,

As an infrequent user of the excellent facilities available at your well appointed centre I feel that I must apologise for any consternation caused by my recent visit.

I was unaware that, for obviously sound health reasons, your customers are expected to walk to the centre and thus offer my apologies to the stern  lady in jackboots who was supervising your spacious parking area. It did seem to me to be an unusual job for the loud voiced senior receptionist but I can assure you that her being trapped between my vehicle's radiator and the boundary wall was a pure accident. I consider the nice young police constable was in error by referring to the incident as attempted murder.

A innovative feature that I noted was the security guard searching all visitors to the surgery for evidence of tobacco and alcohol abuse. If this could be extended to other categories, sports abuse, food abuse, self abuse etc. significant progress would be made to the ideal of ensuring that only completely healthy people gain access to the centre. This would ease the strain on your overworked medical staff and enable them to spend more time investigating the links between smoking and the Mongol expansion into Europe during the first Millennium.

I did feel that the compulsory seventy-eight page pre-appointment questionnaire took some considerable time to complete but remain grateful for the compulsory hypno-therapy session in section forty-three. I had never realised what evil people my parents had been and look forward to their forthcoming trial and probable imprisonment.

A suggestion that you may consider is to more widely display the events that take place on the premises. Had I realised that Thursday was Gay Health Day I would not have shown my surprise when the young man in the black leather jacket took my hand and attempted to lead me into a curtained cubicle. I can assure you that I had no intention of causing him such serious injuries, the marks on his throat being from a purely reflex action when he offered to help me undress. I must add that were the cubicles a little larger then my knee would not have struck his groin as he attempted to sit down. Please send him my best regards and I do hope that the steel implant in his spine will eventually enable him to recover at least some power of movement.

My comments to the lady behind the armoured glass in the reception area were of a jocular nature and were only made because of her extraordinary resemblance to the late female commandant of the Ravensbruck Concentration Camp. The remark about her being too young to have belonged to the Hitler Youth was intended as a compliment and my question about her medical knowledge was only made because of my admiration of the intensive pre-consultation briefing she subjected me to. I can assure you that my observations about cauldrons and broomsticks were merely a reference to alternative medical practises and only made in wonderment of the wide knowledge she seemed to have on all health matters.

As all four hundred and twenty of the group medical staff have now refused me a consultation I am endeavouring to memorise the three volumes of your Regulations for Prospective Patients publication. If I am successful in passing the Rejected Patient Re-entry Examination I have a tentative  appointment for March 2017 and hope to see you then.


Cordially yours,

Daily News

Scanning through the paper this morning I came across the following stories that show to what a shit state England has descended. ( Warning -the stories are from the Daily Fail so accuracy is dubious)

1. Some fart of a government twat wanker  running dog has made a statement about legislation to be introduced to curb the current spate of attacks by dangerous dogs. All puppies are to be micro -chipped at birth and a rolling programme will then hoover up all the adult dogs in the country. HTF are the power mad bastards going to monitor that? When a dog licence was only 7/6d ( 37p)  eighty percent of dog owners didn't bother bying one so, with a micro-chip costing up to £35, it may just be possible a similar situation arises.

2. The worst prime minister since The Gorgon of Kirkaldy ( who was the worst P.M. since the husband of that slot mouth female Q.C.) has decreed that what British Industry needs is more screeching feminazis women in the boardroom. Actually it's Brussels that has decided it but the Camermong is trying to make out that it's all his own idea to introduce legislation to ensure that more dripping fannies sprottle the high class leather of boardroom chairs. WTF has it got to do with any politician how companies make up their directorships?

3. Ther has been a sixfold increase over five years of schoolgirls getting contraceptive implants. This is being implemented by local authority health fanatics without the knowledge of the children's parents and, because of confidentiality legislation, is allowable within statute law. All the girls,some as young as thirteen, have to do is request the implants. Personally if they're that eager to have sex at that age I'd rather see them fitted with time locked chastity belts that wouldn't open until after their menopause. It would probably be the cheaper option.

4. Mothers wanting to return to work are having difficulty finding classy part time jobs. All the jobs on offer according to that hotbed of feminism, Netmums, are cleaning, clerical or cashier type jobs that do not appeal to the bossy managerial type of mothers.
Well too frigging bad. It's time you damp knickered harridans realised that if you make the choice to have a baby then the rest of society, including employers, do not have to bend over backwards to accommodate your every demand and desire. The lot of you go away and straddle a porcupine's backbone. That should keep your mind off the paucity of proper jobs for people of such station.

Thursday 2nd. February 2012

Labour's Tom Watson made a statement about the Metropolitan Police investigating News Corporation's alleged hacking of e-mails.

Thursday 2nd. February 2012

The Metropolitan Police issued an apology after revealing that during a survey the e-mail addresses of over 1100 crime victims were sent to survey recipients.


Leaving that hotbed of social activity, the daily convey of grandchildren to the school, I noticed an interesting letter published in the Daily Fail.
Claiming that the taxation and banning from public places has caused people to stop smoking and therefore reduced heart attacks the writer extends the principal a little further to tackle obesity which, he/she claims, is now our top medical concern
I suggest that from January 1 2013 everybody will have to undergo a tax/obesity assessment - weight, height and girth - providing an index figure. If you're 'above the line' you get taxed more and your tax code is adjusted. Get slim and your tax is normal. It's only fair after all, bigger or fatter people will, ultimately, make greater calls on NHS services.
Assuming the writer, one P. Webberly, from Preston is not at present confined in an institute it becomes interesting to analyse the way his/her cell challenged mind operates.
If EVERYONE in the country is to be weight tested on a regular basis how much does Webberley of Preston think it might cost? Does this economically  illiterate wankrag commentator expect the extra taxation to more than cover the cost of such procedures? Does The Webberley consider the number of extra non productive leeches that HMRC would have to employ and the cost thereof?
The answer is probably not, but be assured, the said Webberley almost certainly had a massive orgasm when typing the sacred letters NHS into the e-mail.
Even more frightening is that the letters editor of The Fail actually published such crap and that there are thousands more Webberlys infesting this once free and pleasant land.

Gays, Plods, Victims

I see a new proposal is seeking to both increase the fines paid by offending motorists and also increase the amount the convicted felon driver has to pay to the 'victim surcharge fund.' Ken ( I love the E.U.) Clarke is in favour of charging all offenders an increased surcharge on their conviction.
I don't suppose it's occurred to the fat twat that if the fine levied for the offence was given to the victims whatsit then there would be no need for any surcharge.
Of course not. He's a a politician well versed in the arts of stealing money from the electorate.


The Plod have been attracting my attention lately with their aggressive eagerness to shove the prognoses in the world of professional football. The issue is, of course, racialism which seems to be a supposed crime at which the amount of money wasted is proportional to the number of stupid complaints made. The opportunities for 'fans' to make mischief in this way may well cause a few Chief Wankers Constables to wish they hadn't leapt on to the equality bandwagon so readily.


A further annoyance is that coming from the 'gay' section of society who now want equal rights in marriages. It's not on lads and lasses. I don't care if you want to go and turd burgle the entire Arabian Peninsular but marriage IS a religious institution for man and woman, not man and man or woman and woman. By all means have the same rights as married couples but do not , under any circumstances, claim that your union is that of marriage. You've stolen enough words for your own use already as pouf, queer, shirt lifter or lezzie, didn't seem to suit your sense of propriety. So for your partnerships invent a word or words of your own and please remember that I once had an excellent local pub called The Gay Lancer. It is one of the few pubs not closed by the smoking ban.

A pensioner in Yorkshire has been given a ten year ASBO for making insulting remarks about local businessmen, clergymen and a councillor on his blog  entitled ' Wolds Eye.'
Reading the article in the Daily Tail doesn't give you much detail on what he wrote but the way in which the matter has been dealt with should concern all bloggers as it smacks of censorship by the powers that be.
If the man made false claims about the people named in the article then there are existing laws regarding libel and slander that could have been utilised by the individuals concerned to silence and refute any untruths made about them. However, they, in the way of today, chose to make complaints of harrassment of to the local plod that ended up with him appearing at Hull magistrates court last week.
The article states that his blog was taken down by the authorities last year but does not mention what 'authorities' or their right to 'take down' a private blog.District Judge Frederick Rutherford rejected the defence by stating ' It's a nonsense to to hide such appalling actions behind human rights. This is clearly anti - social behaviour.'
They obviously want to hang a criminal offence on bloggers as it's much easier to control the people that way. I wonder if he had his DNA recorded?

Pressurising MPs.

Reading about the greasy slitherings over the Clegg's plan to make MPs accountable to the electorate between elections I was struck by an allied thought.
If Libertarians could get their act together there could be organised a campaign to remove arseholes MPs and/or councillors at the next elections.
The subjects would have to be carefully chosen, size of majorities, parliamentary committees engaged on etc and ,of course ,would have to be told that they were being targeted because they had no interest in the rights of anybody apart from their favourite pressure groups.
A low cost leaflet campaign could then be mounted in each constituency giving the MP/Councillor's voting/attendance record, where they stood on civil liberties and freedom etc, and also perhaps giving advice on voting for a non mainstream party.
I would think that very few of the smokers, drinkers and obese among us have any idea where their elected representative stands on these issues. Finding out might well change voting patterns although it would take some organising.

Schools & Things

Picking the granddaughter up from school today I was presented with an A4 sized sheet of paper entitled School Newsletter. ( They've only been back two weeks for heavens sake) As said GD was busy chatting to her school friends as we strolled in the direction of the old abode I decided to cast my eye over the doubtless silly but engaging stories in such a newsletter. Newsletter my arse it was a complete bollocking for any parent or guardian who was unwise enough to let their child attend that school.
Page one ( the front sheet) started with a health enforcement article reminding parents that lunch boxes must not contain sweets, bars of chocolate or fizzy drinks as the school is involved in a 'healthy eating programme' . Now the healthy eating is undoubtedly inspired by that sad, lank haired twat Jamie Oliver but surely as the parents choose to give their offspring the sort of food that children like it's surely no business of the surly, black clad Medusa in the headteachers office what choices they offer to their children.
This is swiftly followed by a barely veiled threats about ENSURING that dinner money IS PLACED in an envelope with the child's name and class on and furthermore HANDED to the pupils class teacher in ADVANCE on a Monday morning. Next is a bit of light relief with a REMINDER that KS1 milk money is due again in September. ( It's only January for fks sake)
The sheet is finished with a list of events and an admonition that THESE are Important  dates for your diary so enter them as soon as you get home, you imbecilic parent, you. The reverse side contains dates when the school is closed which through some optical illusion appear to be more frequent than the days when it is open.
I should mention that the newsletter is sub headed Summer Term 2011 although the dates given refer to 2012. Perhaps the LEA is so committed to its belief in Climate Change that all terms are now designated as Summer. Perhaps in a few years they will be called Hot, Hotter, Arid and The End of Life.

Modern Morals

This morning, as on most mornings, I was waiting with my granddaughter for the school door to open when my enjoyment of the early frost and sharp air was destroyed by the actions of a witless oaf of around two years in age.
It is the practise for parents and other adults delivering a child to the school to congregate in the playground a few minutes before the official start time. As the various people pass the time by inconsequential chatter amongst themselves the children, naturally, run around with their friends and generally have a good time. Many of the mothers have children below school age with them and quite obviously bring them along with their older siblings. This particular blight on the civilised world had been freed from his taxpayer funded pushchair and was wandering around the yard, totally unsupervised,  with the normal vacant expression adopted by the natives of this ex-mining village. Reaching a position about a yard behind his vacated conveyance he stopped, looked contemptuously around, hawked, and spat a massive globule of phlegm onto the playground surface. The mother of this object paused from her mobile phone conversation to utter the words,' good un, gerrit of yer chest then', and returned to her phone to tell her co-conversationalist that ' our Jockos just had a good gob in playground'.
The small creature then proceeded to put his right trainer into the phelgm  and having it adhered to the sole, tried speading the leavings of his diseased chest all over the school yard.
I know that spitting in public has become very prevelant of the last twenty years or so. I realise that it was probably started by professional footballers expectorating all over the pitch in some belief that it was healthy for them to do so. I accept that children will only follow the lead of the parents nad that at two years old they are not to blame. But, and I know that it is a big but, just let me loose with an automatic rifle make the council enforce the by-laws and I guarantee that within forty eight hours   a couple of months there will be no more phlegm on the streets, pavements and playgrounds of this village.

Soviet Methods in the Anti Industry

Today I was  considering all sorts of things in a vague sort of way when the words of a famous novelist wandered through my mind.
They have an unarguable belief in the righteousness of their cause and the inevitability of that cause coming to fruition. They will listen to no argument against that cause. They consider all methods lawful that will further that cause. The use of lies and propoganda is necessary and correct to ensure that other people accept the imposition of that cause.
The words are from memory and may not as Eric Morcambe might said ' be nessessarily in the right order'  but are fairly accurate in their meaning. Who was he writing about? It was the attempted Sovietisation of Germany after the war but the words were learned well by the New Righteous to seek to regulate our lives by an increasing amount every day that passes.

The War On Racialism

The great battle against racialism has opened a new front within the motor trade. Volkswagon, that well known German manufacturer of ' Hitler' cars has launched two variants of its new 'up' super mini called ' The White Up' and 'The Black Up.'
 Guess which model is causing offence in the U.K.?
VW bosses in the UK blocked the black version because it could give offence to ethnic minorities. For why pray? Oh, obviously, the term 'black up' could give offence to ethnic minorities who may associate it with white actors and singers blacking up applying dark make-up to perform as minstrels darker complexioned expert players of stringed musical instruments en route to ' De Camptown Races.'
To get round this the VW people in the UK have simply reversed the words and called the vehicle 'The Up Black' which has done nothing to satisfy the ranks of the professionally offended.

There must legions of these useless sperm seepers spending every day of their lives looking for something to complain about. One example. a creature entitled Matthew Collins from an organism called Hope Not Hate  branded the name insensitive. He said that in this country we seem to be dealing with an explosion of racism and these are not the wisest of words to be have been chosen.
What  drooping dicks he and his cohorts are. They,like all true believers, will never realise that the majority of people, both black and white, would never have thought twice about the car name if the campaigners hadn't made it into one of their endless causes.

I still haven't worked out my forthcoming post on racialism so I'll content myself with highlighting the situation in which the Attorney General is reviewing the sentences in the Lawrence case and the claims of the plod about bringing the others to justice.
According to the Mail a member of the public complained, within hours of the sentencing, that the tariffs given to Norris and Dobson were ' too lenient,' a spokesman for the A.G. stated that ' anybody can request that and we will consider it in the normal way'.
So Messrs Norris and Dobson not only will the state ensure that you are tried repeatedly until it gets the 'right' verdict it will also make sure that the sentence can reviewed until an anonymous member of the public gets a result that the said 'person' perceives to be right. Regarding the state of the frenzy regarding the case don't be surprised to see balks of timber being delivered to the prison and the to hear the sound of carpenters hammering and sawing.
The Mail has assisted the cause of justice by naming the Acourt brothers and Jamie Knight as the persons who have dodged justice in the Lawrence case. DCI Driscoll for the MET said that officers would visit Norris and Dobson in prison to see if they would shop the Acourts and Knight would be willing to assist the enquiry in which he was optimistic about progress being made.
Should make for a fair trial if they're ever brought to court.

No post today ( Thursday) I've been having some weighty thoughts (for me) about the Lawrence trial and racialism and started typing a little late. I should have the post on the blog by tomorrow.

The Lawrence Trial

There have been many excellent posts on the Lawrence trial, especially the unease felt by many at the way which events seem have been 'stage managed' by the authorities and their lap dogs in the media.
For those who want a well detailed written opinion of this unease I recommend the following author www.annaraccoon.com where the possible failings in societal perception and the flawed justice system are impressively documented. Having said that I must admit that I think the two thugs are probably guilty but if I had sat on that jury I would have been unable to give a guilty verdict on both the evidence thus reported and the pre-trial leaks by police and media that proclaimed guilt before the accused even entered the court.
The media circus that surrounded the verdicts and the  host of righteous bandwagon jumpers leave a very nasty taste in the mouth where the dignity of justice is concerned. We have of course seen this before in cases such as the Bulger killing and the Soham murders, both cases which brought an unwelcome change in both law and society.
Do read the linked article as it covers questions that many of might not think to ask in the face of  today's media outpourings.

Plod Watch

That rather strange entity known as Milton Keynes suffered yet another serious crime incident in the early hours of new years day.
A mini -cab driver rang 99 to report that his taxi had been stolen by a group of passengers travelling the vehicle. Police later found the vehicle and on officer was seriously injured when the driver attempted a getaway. Five people have been arrested and the mini-cab owner has been charged with overloading a vehicle. Plods are appealing for witnesses but haven't stated whether they require them for the theft of the overloading.

Freedom of information requests have revealed that more than 900 serving employed police officers and PCSOs have criminal records that range from burglary to perverting the course of justice.
I suppose that nobody is surprised although I remember a time in near past when having a conviction for dangerous driving could prevent a person from having a licence to serve alcohol. Times are changing too damned fast.

Well now that the holiday period is over it may be relevant to air a few truths about the Christmas period.

1. A Christmas Day combination of sprouts, porks, pigs in blankets, season pudding, white sauce, whisky (single malt of course), ale and wine can cause problems if more than thirty feet away from the loo.

2. The T.V. is shite. ( presumption since I didn't turn it on.)

3. The media have perfected the art of removing religion from a religious festival. ( should please the diversity mob)

4. Continuing with 1. in the evening keeps you even closer to the loo the following morning.

5. Sprouts, cold pork and trifle are an amazing if little known cure for a hangover. ( also a reasonable and filling breakfast)

6. There isno time of the year in which politicians can keep their disgusting mouths shut.

I thought that i'd managed to re-start the blog in August but events, as usual , have caused delays to that little plan.
I've decided then to recommence in the new year which is after all a traditional time to 'start afresh' so to speak.
In the new start I've combined all my three blogs so that Plodwatch, The Crouching Croucher and Uncle Ranters will all become the  one blog.
See you  son and A HAPPY NEW YEAR to everybody. ( except politicians, interest groups, jobsworths, BBC employees et al.)

Well back to the blog at last. The last few months have been taken up by what seemed to be a quite involved Industrial Tribunal case but, as ever, things turned out to be straightforward and my ex- employer surrendered without a shot being fired. Bloody spoilsport!
I'm tempted to join all the bloggers who are commenting on the various riots but, as every aspect of every viewpoint seems to have been written to death, I'll just content myself with a handful of brief notes.
The rioters are simply a bunch of thieves.
The police are so politicised that they are now incapable of keeping the peace or interacting with members of the public. For some strange reason every time I see a constable I get a mental flash of a black clad, shaven headed, brutish thug regarding every person in sight as an active criminal. I then blink and realise that the mental flash was in fact reality.( Their constant reference to the public as civilians is an indicator of their mindset.) All constables above the rank of Inspector should be sacked and non graduate constables gradually promoted in their place.
All politicians of all parties are to blame for the current state of society. They allowed unfettered immigration into our small island where there was no accommodation and few jobs. They have shaped and formulated an education system that operates at the lowest common denominator in order that no pupil can ever 'fail.' ( e.g. only a very few A level pupils would know what a denominator is. )
The same politicians have wilfully instituted both a social engineering & benefits system that removes personal responsibility but encourages irresponsibility. The state will tell you what to eat, drink, and bloody well think. You will not under any circumstances make any decision about your lifestyle that contravenes the 'advice' given by an army of state paid but self appointed experts. It is, however, quite alright to have several children by different fathers because that is your right as a 'liberated' person. The state will even reward you for having all these babies in the form of benefits and suitable housing. The state will then provide you with fifteen hours of childcare every week so that you can take a 'cash in job' to top up your welfare handouts. If you are a reasonably well paid 'middle class' family don't worry. You get the your own handouts for making the choice to have children which in effect means that you're only the same as the single mother raising her mixed brood on the local council estate. After all an income of £40,000 per annum really needs welfare back up doesn't it?
   The same politicians will then spend endless hours making statements to lying journalists about how they intend to make things better and how everything is all the fault of the present/previous bunch of statist twats government. There are 650 of the evil turds none of whom, in the words of Koko, would be missed
Teachers and everybody else involved in the education system are also to blame for the state of society. Their job is simply to install academic excellence not to follow a political agenda layed down by Marxist orientated professional pricks educators. The other rather unfortunate fact is that most of the teachers are only semi literate and numerate themselves.
The mass media consist only of a bunch of lazy, idolatrous, ignorant, self important, semen stains oafs that have a capacity for lying that equals that of their political masters.
The bankers and economists who in their greed led an entire nation into a national debt that may be irrecoverable.
The people of this nation who, being as greedy as the bankers and politicians, thought that property and material assets were the only indication of wealth ,status and happiness.  You all forgot about love, compassion, companionship, charity and forgiveness, the properties of the only true contentment that the human race can achieve.
Perhaps more than a handful but it does clear the mind for the next rant.

Telegraph Crap Beats Proper Reporting Every Time

A few un/interesting comments by those who guide us;
The Foreign Office has stated that about one million people will travel abroad for stag/hen parties this year, of which almost 170,000 will not have travel insurance. A spokesperson added that sun and alcohol don't always mix. This is incredible. How can they know such things?
Louise Bagshaft Bagshawe, described as a prominent Tory M.P., has been decrying the use of gagging orders by rich people, ' the girls ( invoved) equally have a right to their own lives and stories in my opinion, and they are being gagged by rich men who have the power to afford very good lawyers'. Actually Louise my dear the girls can also afford very good lawyers from the money they've been paid for their stories from the gutter class newspapers. ( Less Max Clifford's 10% of course.)
The fascist twats government is planning a law that will make all puppies born in Britain be microchipped at a cost of £35.00 to the owner. This is an attempt to control the ownership of so called 'dangerous breed' dogs. Campaigners have said that such a move will penalise respectable middle class owners rather than the yobs with dangerous dogs who will most likely ignore such a requirement. Obviously all persons not of the middle classes only possess Pit Bulls, foaming Staffies, and deranged Dobermans that, when not crapping all over the streets, are engaged in such light hearted activities as child savaging and sheep murder. Total ARSEHOLES the lot of them, campaigners and government.

A Safe Career In Somaliland

According to The Mail the Captain of H.M.S. Cornwall, Commander David Wilkinson, made the these comments after releasing seventeen Somali pirates his crew had arrested.
He first said that he was not convinced that bringing them back to the UK would have been a deterrent. ( Bang right mate, the bastards would have been on benefits and claiming asylum before you could have said Nelson's Blood. However if you care to check up on some Royal Navy history you might find that the navy used to hang pirates a few minutes after capturing them. This system apparently acted as some sort of deterrent.)
The gallant Commander then added the information that he was unconvinced that they had enough evidence to convict the pirates even though they were heavily armed, were holding hostages and had confessed!
I think I'll bugger off to Somaliland and hire meself a fishing boat and minimum wage crew. I foresee a lot of risk free profit to be made. ( The Commander obviously can look forward to a second career as a chief constable or member of the judiciary. )

General Thoughts

I've stopped buying The Telegraph as the standard of reporting was fast approaching that of a broadsheet 'Sun' so have being trying out various other publications to find one that suits. Top of the Pops is The Yorkshire Post a well informed regional newspaper that amazingly still reports the news. The letters page is always interesting with ordinary people and not self important public purse suckers able to air their views.
One, undoubtedly, nice lady today wrote about her concern for the police involved with the thugs in the recent demonstrations in London. Unfortunately she didn't explain how she knew who were the police and who were the thugs.
A chap by the name of Paul Whalley has been convicted of a race hate crime in good old Liverpool. ( once the home port of many slave ships and a joint constantly telling us how proud it is of it's heritage.)
Apparently the said Whalley objected to two women parking on double yellow lines outside his children's school. During the following altercation Whalley admitted saying ' you don't do that in this country.' However a grandmother in the vehicle said much worse was uttered, culminating in the devasting remark' can't you blacks read?' In  a further incident at a parent's evening Whalley was alleged to have made a reference to a banana boat.
He was of course convicted and awaits sentencing. I bet the local scuffers and CPS felt they had really done their duty on that one.

The attack continues.....

Of all the festering arsehole farted shite that falls upon the outcasts of this nation the anti smoking bigots are definitely leading the way by the mass of sheer turdal outpourings from their collective syphilis infested brain cell.
First we have news from that happy holiday destination the island of Jersey. A rancid oaf by the name of Andrew Heaven, the Chief of Human Experimentation and Compulsion Head of Health Improvement has stated that plans are afoot to ban smoking in private cars. He stated that the decision had already been made consultation with the public and all lying pressure groups and fake charities interested parties would take place before any move was made to implement this certainty proposal.
Then along comes the  British Lung Foundation with 15000 fiddled and untutored children's signatures on a petition demanding that smoking in cars be made illegal when children are present. As the petition was presented at Gestapo HQ 10 Downing Street our clueless leader Davenik would undoubtedly have kissed many arses and promised that the 'Big Society' was mindful of their nauseating manipulation of concern and compassion for the nation's children.
Let us now head to that centre of European excellence the port and city of Liverpool, once famous for having the ugliest prostitutes between the prime meridian and the international date line. ( if memory serves me right those of Sydney just shaded it.) Courtesy of our impartial national broadcaster ( junior section), CBBC, a tale of depraved living and child abuse emerges from a spokesman for Alder Hey children's hospital.
Dr. Steve Ryan a renowned, self important twat, spokesman for the hospital said that one in three of the insanitary brats kids treated there were ill because conditions such as bronchitis, asthma, and ear infections could be caused by many factors in a large city were caused by parents smoking in front of them.
One little sweetie on the CBBC website made the poignant and heartbreaking statement that " there is a smoking ban in England but it doesn't apply to people's own space like their homes or cars. "( No darling it doesn't, and do you know why... no.. let me tell you, it's because the NAZI b'stards haven't got that far yet but by using your senseless bleating they will undoubtedly start making a case to make the use and possession of tobacco a criminal offence. So why don't you and all the other righteous brats go and jump in the Mersey and start swimming towards the Isle of Man,the exercise should do wonders for all your smoking related inflictions and ailments.)

Happiness Happiness the Greatest Thing The State will Possess.

The ONS ( the crapauds used to have a much more useful organisation called the OAS ) has been instructed by Cameron of the Coagulate to assess how satisfied we are with our lives. Moronic busybodies Researchers will be asking a sample of 200,000 thousand brain dead citizens ( People with brains will simply tell the inquisitor to f*** off ) four simple questions about how worthwhile they feel their lives are.
An OGPU officer ONS employee referred to as Paul Allin said " psycho -babble is an accepted way of confusing everyone subjective well being is one approach to to understanding and measuring the well being of the nation. While we want to produce the results that the government have already given us consistent results over time, we will consider the first results as experimental.
You have been warned. Expect new laws that will bring enforced happiness upon all the nation. Poor people and pensioners will be full of well being or their benefits will be withdrawn. Council employees will be given powers to issue on the spot fines to anyone wearing a sombre expression. Newspeak, New Thoughts, New Happiness. The State Is your Mother and Your Father and Your Protector. All Is Well. Sieg Heil Seig Heil Sieg Heil......

An inconvenient heart attack put paid to a lot of blogging last year but, fit (ish) again I thought that instead of swearing at the newspaper I'd be better off writing a few things down.
So let's start with the offalings, sorry, offerings from today's Daily Teleliar.
Page 8 reports that Dogbos' are to be introduced by the spring of this year. This will enable local authorities to take action against dogs on the grounds of the individual pooch's behavioural problems. Owners could be forced to take their dogs to training classes, keep them on leads, or muzzle them when outdoors. Also there are proposals to have all dogs microchipped to make it easier to identify the owner.
Well there it is. First they came for the smokers; then they came for the drinkers; then the overweight. Now they come for the dogs. Perhaps an armed uprising of Yorkshire Terriers and Border Collies may be in order to make these disgusting politicians and their allied 'experts' fearfully cringe for their lives in some faeces infested, derelict, and swine flu infected office for the collection of illegally imposed fines.
The proposal about all cars having to be insured is a few days old and I only mention it as another example that this government is no less statist than the last.
Police hunting the killer of the young lady in Bristol are being urged to take DNA samples of men in the Bristol area. A creature named as Kerry McCarthy, currently robbing the public purse by being the elected Labour MP for Bristol East, and Canon Alan Finchley of Clifton Catholic Cathedral. are publicly supporting mass DNA testing of Brisol's male population over the age of sixteen. Do these farts ever think before opening their mouths? Surely any DNA testing would have to be voluntary or did Cyclops Brown pass a law enabling the plods to DNA test anybody at random ? Who in their right mind would submit to such a test knowing full well that the 'stapo will never destroy the collected DNA samples.? And what makes them so sure that the crime was committed by a person who actually lives in Bristol, or do they insuggest that the entire UK male population is tested. Statist arseholes the pair of them.

Bigots

I was unfortunate enough today to catch part of the Jeremy Vine moanfest on Radio 2, the subject in question being about pregnant women being breathalysed to check if they smoked during their pregnancies.
The rights or wrongs of smoking when pregnant I, personally, believe are a matter between the woman and her medical advisor and should left as a private matter between them.
However, it seems that a lot of self righteous bigots amongst the general public feel that the issue is of such a great concern that they cannot control the urge to air their views to us all.
The pure hatred expressed by many of the callers against pregnant smokers made me cringe in my car seat causing a momentary hazard to other road users. One in particular managed to classify all the smoking mothers to be as from the deprived classes (whoever they may be) and went on to say that although she wouldn't wish to admonish these people verbally, her 'look of disgust as her eyes swept from the cigarette to the bulging waistline left the person in doubt of what she thought of her'. Others more simply stated that smoking was a clear case of child abuse and the police and social services should take punitive action.
It makes you wonder why we ever bothered fighting Hitler doesn't it.

Sheer nausea.

It seemed much more dignified in the old days when a defeated prime minister simply scuttled out of the back door of No.10 and his/her succesor entered through the front one. Still I suppose a righteous meglomaniac like Brown had to have his orchestrated five minutes of media exposure although I was rather suprised that, following the example of the Premier League, the anti -libertarian bstd didn't do a lap of honour around Downing Street. Perhaps his puppet master isn't a soccer fan!
As the man partly responsible for the unremmiting war against civil liberties I do hope that the vehicle into which the junior Brown's were decanted was fitted with properly approved E.U. bump seats. Still if it wasn't the eagle eyed Chekists of The Met would spotted it , wouldn't they? ( Sorry, forgot that they may have been off duty if the 11th. May is a pagan bank holiday.)

I've had little time for ranting recently but, this news article about that bastion of northern standards, Barnsley, has made me reach for the old keyboard. Whom should this story be all about? Why, none other than that bunch of black clad, shaven headed, thugs that we now have to recognise as ' The Police Service'.
I do realise that news reports, especially those of Cyclops Brown's running dogs, the BBC, rarely give the whole truth of any matter. However, let us assume that this particular story from the old Beeb is accurate.
It appears that parents in Barnsley have been criticized for drinking alcohol when dropping off and collecting their children from the Doncaster Road primary school. Now if, and I think that even in Barnsley it is a big if, people are swigging cans of treble strength lager whilst awaiting the release of their little b'stards from school then, unless they are commiting an offence, it's absolutely cock all to do with anybody, including Mervynn Hughes's valient bunch of heroes. It might be stupid, it might even be morally wrong, but, as far as I know, it isn't against the law.
Nevertheless along comes a senior plod by the name of Detective Inspector Mark Spooner to give all grown up people a piece of his, undoubtedly, limited mind.
' In my view that's clearly unacceptable. It's not acceptable in a modern society and we will put a stop to it'.
Well Mark old son, if you can read, here is my view. It is not your job to decree what is or is not acceptable in a modern or any other society, that is the job of an elected parliament, which is the ONLY power in the land allowed to make or revoke laws. If they get it wrong then the electorate can boot them out after a maximum of five years; ah, if only we could do the same to you.
So, Mark, take your, reported, merry band of Chekists, Community Support Officers, Impact Wardens, and Neighbourhood Wardens off to your next pagan festival and let the citizens of Barnsley make their own decisions about what is or is not acceptable. Furthermore, whilst you and your bunch of rabid followers are dancing naked around the stone altar, ask yourself what a Detective Inspector, is doing in charge of a Safer Neighbourhood Team.It is surely a job more fitted for a newly promoted uniformed flatfoot or, more appropriately, a semi- intelligent baboon from the nearest zoo.

Brits on Holiday

My thanks to The Devil's Kitchen for some background to this 'story' on Radio 2 news today.

'Britons are turning to drink on their holidays says research carried by the Know Your Limits group.'

The Know your Limits armoured division is, of course, funded by the Department of Health and is the latest probe by units of The Army of Absolute Bloody Puritans which, again, is funded by the good old DoH. Sorry, that really should read as funded by the taxpayer, you and me. It naturally has skirmishing forces headed by our old feinds Donaldson, Gilmore and Shenker and, if dear reader, you have no idea who these dangerous control freaks are, I suggest you find out pretty damn quick, before all your freedoms vanish up some Calvanistic minded Nazi's suppurating bunghole.

WellI know my limits and these prats are fast approaching them. Take care Liam and Friends, the citizens will one day hound you back to the festering cowpats that you hatched from.

Choose Freedom

I was sitting by the old computer thingy, gently musing over the odd snatches of Kipling and Betjeman, when my eyes happened to idly pass over the ever present packet of twenty, strategically placed in front of the keyboard. ( I must stress for any older readers that I no longer have any use for a pack of three if, indeed, they are still sold in that quantity. At the risk of digressing I remember that three were considered sufficient for a complete weekend. I suppose that nowadays they copulate at the same rate as they drink, so the modern request would be for at least fifty. I can't imagine how the barbers get the drawers big enough to contain the demand. No bloody sense of proportion the modern society)

Anyway, back to the ciggys , I noticed that the statutory notice plastered over the back of the packet made the following statement in block lettering.

Choose Freedom ring 0800 161 etc. etc.

Now if thought for one minute that the medical facists who demand such labels had a sense of humour I would actually smile at such nonsense. But no, they don't, and what is worse can't even see the irony in that particular slogan. I suppose that there is some junior grade doctor who, in between

licking the halfwit Donaldson's fundamental orifice, actually sits in an office somewhere writing out these supposedly intimidating slogans.

Just picture the scene.

Minor female M.D. sits picking it's nose whilst searching for inspiration in a textbook of various foul illnesses. ' Ah', it thinks, gazing at a lurid picture of a syphillis riddled penis. ' I can twist that and use it as warning that smoking hinders mens sexual activity'. A quick, semi literate scribble, and we are warned that ' Smoking can cause loss of erections'.

What a dork. The only things that can make dear Percy refuse to rise to the occasion is an over indulgance in decent cask ale or, the sight of a sour faced female doctor who would be better employed as Medusa's personal hairdresser. The type who, everytime they venture out in public, cause the sun to set, drunken sailors to flee back to their ship, and, don't realise that the strange noise they can hear is mens zippers welding themselves shut. ( To be fair the male doctors are equally disgusting)

So, prat face warning writer, I will take your advice. I will choose the freedom to smoke, drink, fornicate, think for myself, and do any other damn thing that I, personally, find enjoyable and also things that I hate doing, just as long as you disapprove of them.

Furthermore I sincerly hope that your trained lickspittles waiting by the telephone help line all die an excrutiating death from extreme boredom or, get beaten to death by a rampaging horde of floppy penis's newly released from your deranged imagination.

I

G whatever demos.

Good news on the airwaves today. Twenty people have been charged with offences of brutal violence, thuggery, and breaches of the peace following the G whatever demonstrations in London.

Well that takes care of the police, now, what about the demonstrators?

Pagan Plods

It appears that paganism is rife amongst the valient few who make our streets safe to be mugged in. Recent newspaper articles reveal that around five hundred of our baton wielding fiends are officialy registered as pagans and, as such, are entitled to take Pagan Bank Holidays as part of their annual leave.

I was so proud of the diversity allowed by the ' not fit for purpose' Home Office that I immediately penned the following letter to the local Chief Blue Meanie.

Sir,

I feel I must put pen pen to paper to express my admiration of the way your constables have maintained The Queen's Peace during my recent visit to South Yorkshire.

Walking along Doncaster High Street on Saturday afternoon I was alarmed to see a column of smoke rising into the still air. About to summon the Fire Service my fears were dispelled when the smoke cleared and I saw seven of your constables holding hands and forming a circle around what, I later learned, was a sacrifice to propitiate the gods of the Central Police Station Wormery. ( I feel sure that the driver of the untaxed Ford Fiesta would have approved of his body being used in this way, especially as your officers had been thoughtful enough to remove the twenty five bullets lodged in his head, thus avoiding any chance of toxic fumes affecting the enthralled onlookers).

This was a superb demonstration of how to lessen the impact of crime on law abiding citizens. I personally observed no fewer than three gangs of armed muggers merely beat their victims to death, instead of stabbing them, as they hurried across to gaze upon this magnificent spectacle.

I must say I was momentarily surprised when two of the constables dropped their left hands to enfold their neighbour's buttocks but, I feel sure, that this was just part of the very intricate ritual.

The arrival ofthe 'Air Support' helicopter caused quite a stir and I shall never forget the sight of the four naked constables rappeling down to join their ground based colleagues. I believe the recommended way of leaving aircraft in such a manner is to use ones hands and I trust that the officers have made a full recovery from the rope burns on their genital areas.

At this point I had to take my leave as the downwash from the helicopter's rotor blades had caused the burning sacrifice to disperse in several directions although, fortunately, the ceremony did seem to have concluded as four of the constables were putting their clothes back on.

I understand that the ensuing conflagration destroyed most of the town centre but feel sure that the citizens of Doncaster feel it a small price to pay in exchange for such innovative policing.

As one of your officers noticed the small crucifix I was wearing and I only escaped by hiding in a nearby herbalist shop, it is unlikely that I shall revisit the area until after the Winter Solstice.

Wishing you and all your constables a Merry Winterval and a Prosporous New Moon,

Yours sincerely,